Goldxilocks and the Three Bears

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Once upon a time there were three bears... 

There was Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear, who all lived peacefully and happily in the big forest. 

Daddy Bear was very rich and powerful and came from a part of the forest far away. 

He thought he was the most powerful in the whole forest, although it was full of other big and unfriendly animals. Some, nearly as powerful as he was.  

Mummy Bear was tiny in comparison, but Daddy Bear loved her very much. Although she had done well in life, she never really had a lot of money and had somewhat of a troubled past. But she was very feisty and always stood up to bullies. 

Baby Bear was called Democracy and try as he might, he could not help being constantly bullied and was forced to stand up for himself. Although he was only quite young in Bear years, having been born in 1987 and really didn’t know how to behave. He could sometimes be very naughty and not know his left from his right. 

Although Daddy Bear was rich and powerful, Mummy Bear worked very hard and was up early every day preparing special porridge with her secret added ingredient, microchips, which were very hot. She made the secret ingredient in a shed in the garden and she knew how good they were for Baby Bear and would make him grow big and strong.

The day after Daddy Bear’s Auntie Pelosi left from her visit, Baby Bear came down for breakfast. He sat down and tasted his porridge. “Yikes Mother,” he cried. “This is way too hot. I’d say there are around 70 percent of all the microchips in the forest in this. I think we should all go out for a walk and let it cool down.”

So Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear all went for a walk in the forest while their microchip porridge cooled down, unaware that Auntie Pelosi had been gossiping on her way home from her visit. 

Meanwhile, Goldxilocks, who lived nearby in the forest, had heard of Auntie Pelosi’s visit and, despite warnings from her mother not to wander into the forest and make trouble, sneaked out of her house to see what was happening.

Goldxilocks arrived at the Bear’s cottage but found the door locked. But Goldxilocks was cunning and tricky and hacked a hole in the shutter and peeked in. She saw no one was home. 

She had some little forest friends with her who helped her get into the house. These were odd and nasty little creatures who lived with the Bears and, indeed, lived off of them, but were nevertheless willing to help Goldxilocks get into the house.

When Goldxilocks saw the microchip porridge she jumped for joy. She had wanted some microchip porridge for such a long time but had always struggled to make it properly and it never tasted right. 

She sat down and tried Daddy Bear’s porridge. “Yuck, too lumpy,” she said, because Daddy Bear preferred his porridge made with low grade and common microchips. 

Then she tried Mummy Bear’s porridge. “Humm, this is not bad but it is still too lumpy because while it has high-grade microchips, it also has low grade and common microchips.

Then she tried Baby Bear’s porridge. “Yummy,” she exclaimed. “This one is just right as it has loads of high grade microchips.” 

Goldxilocks looked around the Bear’s house and thought she might like to sit down. She saw Daddy Bear’s rocking-chair by the fire and thought she would try it. Little did she know that this was Daddy Bear’s very special chair which he sat in to work out how much trade he would do with the rest of the forest when he sold the things he had gathered in the forest and how much he would charge for them. 

As Goldxilock rocked back and forth in the trade chair there was a loud ‘crack’ and the chair broke. But Goldxilocks was very selfish and was now very sleepy and went upstairs to find somewhere to sleep. 

She could not sleep in Daddy Bear’s bed as it was too big and it made her feel nervous to lie on it. Mummy Bear’s bed was comfortable, but a little small. So she decided to lie on Mummy Bear’s bed and rest her feet on Baby Bear’s bed…that would do nicely.

Soon she was fast asleep dreaming of loads and loads of lovely microchip porridge when she heard the door downstairs open.

“Who’s been eating our porridge? The Bears cried. “And who’s broken my special trading chair,” yelled Daddy Bear. 

Daddy Bear rushed upstairs and saw Goldxilocks in bed. “Get out of my house,” he shouted. “And never come back.”

Goldxilocks ran back home and was roundly told off by her Mother (ie. the rest of the right thinking world) and sent to bed with no supper. 

Hopefully…

The end.

Tinktery Tonk...

很久很久以前森林裡住了三隻熊... 有熊爸爸、熊媽媽和熊寶寶，他們在大森林裡和平快樂地生活著。

熊爸爸非常富有強大，來自森林遙遠的一方。他認為他是整個森林中最強大的，儘管在那裡到處都是不友好的大動物，有些甚至幾乎和他一樣強大。

熊媽媽比較小，熊爸爸卻很愛她。 雖然生活過得不錯，但她熊媽媽從來沒有真正擁有過很多錢，也有過幾分坎坷的過去。 她一點也不畏懼強勢，面對霸凌者總是挺直腰桿。

熊寶寶的名字叫 Democracy，無論他多麼努力，他還是不斷地被欺負，被迫為自己挺身而出。 1987年出生的熊寶寶在熊界算是很年輕，言行舉止有些不穩，他有時很調皮，有時也會左右不分。

熊爸爸雖然有錢有勢，但熊媽媽卻很努力，每天早早起來，用她的秘方晶片 (microchips) 做熱騰騰的粥。 她在花園一角的棚子裡烹製了這種秘方粥，她知道這對熊寶寶很有幫助，會讓他長得又大又壯。

熊爸爸的阿姨裴洛西離開後的第二天，熊寶寶下樓來吃早餐。 他坐下來，嚐了一口他的粥。  “哎呀，媽媽，”他喊道。  “這太燙了。 我想這片森林裡大約有 70% 的晶片都在這裡吧？ 我覺得我們都應該出去散散步，讓這個粥冷一下。”

於是，熊爸爸、熊媽媽和熊寶寶利用等待晶片粥冷卻的時間到森林裡去散散步，他們不知道其實裴洛西阿姨在她回家路上，還去了別的地方跟人閒聊。

因此住在森林附近被寵壞了的 Goldxilocks (註：原名為Goldilocks) 也聽說裴洛西阿姨的來訪，儘管她的母親警告她不要走進森林找麻煩，她還是偷偷溜出去看熱鬧。

Goldxilocks 到達熊家發現門鎖著，但狡猾的她在百葉窗上挖了一個洞往裡偷看，發現家裡沒有人，然後她有一些在森林裡的伙伴幫她進到三隻熊的家。這些奇怪而討厭的小動物雖然在森林裡和熊一起生活，但仍然願意幫助 Goldxilocks 進入房子。

看到晶片粥時，Goldxilocks 高興得跳了起來。 長時間以來，她一直想要吃晶片粥，但不管再怎麼努力，味道從來沒有好過。

她坐下來嚐了熊爸爸的粥。  “哎呀，太粗糙了，”她說。因為熊爸爸比較喜歡吃不精緻的食物。

然後她試了熊媽媽的粥。  嗯，這個還不錯，但是還是不夠細緻，因為晶片粥的材料有各種規格。

然後她吃了一口熊寶寶的粥。  “好吃，”她叫道。  “這個恰到好處，因為裡面是大量的高級晶片。”

吃過粥現在 Goldxilocks 想要坐下來了，她環顧四周，在火爐邊看到熊爸爸的搖椅。 她不知道這是非常特別的椅子，熊爸爸坐在上面計算他在森林裡收集的東西，要和森林的其他人做多少交易，以及他會收取多少費用。

Goldxilock 在交易椅上來回搖晃，忽然間發出一聲巨響，椅子壞了。 但是 Goldxilocks 是個很自私的人，她才不管，因為想睡了就上樓找地方睡覺。

熊爸爸的床太大了，躺在上面讓她感到緊張。 熊媽媽的床很舒服，就是有點小。 所以她決定躺在熊媽媽的床上，把腳放在熊寶寶的床上……這樣就好了。

當她聽到樓下的門打開時，她正夢見一大堆可愛的晶片粥。

“誰偷吃了我們的晶片粥？” 一家人在廚房大喊！  “誰弄壞了我的特殊交易椅，”熊爸爸氣壞了。

熊爸爸衝上樓，看到床上的 Goldxilocks。  “滾出我的房子，”他喊道。  “而且永遠不要再回來。”

Goldxilocks 慌慌張張跑回家，並被她的母親（正確思維世界的其他人）訓斥了一頓，沒有晚飯可以吃就被送進房間睡覺了。

結束。

Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰。