Time to point and laugh - again

Gosh, it would seem my jokey little pieces laughing at the Taipei Mayor’s comic capers are drawing suspicions in some quarters that I’m either representing foreign media or I’m in the pay of the DPP.

All very flattering that this retired journalist can still put pen to paper and stir up paranoia to such an extent among those desperate enough to point fingers and blame others for their own shortcomings. 

I point and laugh at the Taipei Mayor just as much as I point and laugh at Boris Johnson so I’m very even handed when I feel the need to point out that people in positions of authority are doing an awful job, falling down on the job, cannot cope with the job they got themselves elected to do and generally being dim. 

A Mr Cheng, who I don’t know from a hole in the ground, is clearly so thin-skinned that he can’t stand any criticism of officials, or he’s not well read enough to understand what political sketch writing is. He clearly is not the life and soul of any party, but then, few minor officials are. 

I can’t help wondering what our Mr Cheng would say to the KMT having so much of the local press here in its pocket? Or is that OK and it’s just the DPP that isn’t supposed to play such games. 

I’m not even on Facebook or Twitter for heaven’s sake! It smacks of some kind of desperation if they bother to waste their, shall we say brain power, on little old me and my opinion. As I say, highly flattering, but it really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense unless it is causing them major distress. Perhaps it is, the truth hurts.     

Anyway, he’s talking utter nonsense and I promise he will be the first to know if I get any communication from the DPP asking if I would do any writing for them, or that I’m somehow still linked to international media.     

Until then he really should stop being so prickly and to let a retired journalist have a bit of fun poking fun at someone who is doing a lousy job. 

I daresay there is an old Chinese proverb about the elephant does not feel a flea-bite. 

But being so hyper-sensitive is all good ammunition, so I thank him for that...something more to point and laugh at and have more fun.

《 又到了指著那些人哈哈大笑的時候了》

今天早上看到一篇文章我倒吸了一口氣，我那些嘲諷台北市長鬧劇表演博君一笑的小文章，似乎在某些陣營引起了一些懷疑，他們認為我要不是代表外國媒體，就是在 DPP 的薪資造冊名單上。

不過說實在的，這其實令人感到有點飄飄然，因為這個已經退休的記者寶刀未老，仍然可以紙上談兵引起一些人的偏執，好像他們已經陷入無計可施的絕望，只能到處指點把自己的缺失歸咎到他人頭上。

我諷刺台北市長可笑之處，和我指著英國首相強生哈哈大笑一模一樣，我是非常公平的。我之所以這麼做是因為我覺得有必要指出，那些身居要職的人不僅做得很糟糕，還好像就要從他們的職位上摔下來一樣，他們似乎無法勝任選民賦予他們的工作，並且常常一點也不聰明。

一位不知打哪兒來的鄭先生，他似乎臉皮很薄容易受傷，受不了評論者對官員的批評而寫了一篇文章，但也許是因為他閱讀不夠廣泛，不知道嘲諷政治的寫作模式在英國歷史悠久。很明顯他不是歡樂開趴時可以炒熱氣氛的靈魂，但是再想想，很少有微不足道的小官員可以辦到。

如果要討論媒體資源和政黨的關係，我想知道我們的鄭先生對 KMT 口袋裡的媒體資源會說什麼？或者他認為這沒問題，只是 DPP 不應該玩這樣的遊戲？

至於我，看在上帝的份上，我甚至沒有 Facebook 或 Twitter 的賬戶！把他們的。。。我們說是腦力吧，浪費在我和我的意見上，他們是有多狗急跳牆？不過正如我稍早說的，這其實讓人非常受寵若驚。除非我的意見給他們帶來極大的痛苦，否則真的沒有多大意義，或者是我的意見真的讓他們很苦惱？真相總是殘酷的。

不過無論如何，這位鄭先生完完全全是在胡說八道。如果 DPP 來詢問我願不願意幫他們寫文章，或者是退休的我還和任何國際媒體報導有關聯，我保證我會第一個通知他。

在 DPP 來找我之前，鄭先生面對評論真的不該跟刺猬一樣。就不能讓一個退休記者找點樂子，去取笑把工作做得很糟糕的人？

有句俗語大象不會感覺到被跳蚤咬了一口，如果你是雄偉的大象，為什麼怕被跳蚤咬一下？我敢說，中文裡一定也有類似的說法。

不過如此超級敏感，倒是為我提供了絕佳的彈藥可以上膛，因此我還是要謝謝這位不知打哪兒來的鄭先生。因為這樣，我才有更多的目標可以指著哈哈大笑，然後得到更多樂趣。

Mayoral statements as an art form

I’m beginning to change my view of the Taipei Mayor and his team. After watching yet another performance yesterday, I’ve come to the conclusion he and his team are reaching almost zero self awareness and that it has become performance art.

On the one hand I beg him to start doing a better job with the virus - although the central government seems to have taken that role over from him to limit further damage - as it winds-up my partner and I have to keep calming her down. 

On the other hand it’s nice to see her so happy and laughing much of the time as the kind of self-satire they indulge in on an almost daily basis is genuinely funny. The late night satire shows in the United States would not have to do much with this guy as he and his team are already such a parody of themselves as to make script writing unnecessary.

I see pictures of his young female helpers clutching his arm as if to hold him upright or guide him to a chair, and yesterday a young lad was wheeled out to show us some cards praising the Mayor for having a hospital in his city that was doing a good job. 

Yep, full credit to the Mayor for, er, for being lucky enough to have a bunch of professionals who know what they are doing on his patch. I wonder how much input he had, I would suspect none, and they were just doing their job. Nevertheless, the youth put two and two together and somehow came up with - The Mayor is brilliant. 

I felt a bit sorry for this youngster, who had stopped in on his way to school to present this little and-finally segment in praise of his Master. The morale of the Mayor’s team has to be rock-bottom as so many people are pointing at them and laughing, and this, on an almost daily basis. I just hope it doesn’t damage their future career prospects too much and people will forget how comical they are making themselves look.

Their spine-cracking contortions in trying to make the Mayor look good would disgrace any self-respecting yoga studio. Sadly their efforts are all to no avail and, as the old English saying goes - trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. 

I guess it’s a little like pointing at a circus clown and telling him he looks ridiculous because he has a big red nose, massive baggy pants and huge shoes. He is supposed to look ridiculous and the make-up, trousers and shoes a parody.

The Mayor and his team have successfully created a similar form of performance art.

《 市長團隊的表演藝術》 我開始改變我對台北市長及其團隊的看法了。 在看了昨天接著台北市記者會的一場演出後，我得出一個結論，就是這個團隊完全沒有自覺的程度，幾乎已經達到一種表演藝術的境界。 一方面我要拜託市長開始好好對付病毒，儘管中央政府似乎已經從他手中接下這個任務，並且也設下停損點。在這之前，我的妻子一提到他總是氣噗噗，我必須經常安撫她讓她冷靜下來。 另一方面，我很高興看到現在大部分時間，我的妻子總是很開心甚至放聲大笑，因為這個團隊似乎每天沉迷於演出自我諷刺劇，真的很有趣。 不要以為這是在深夜播出的美國諷刺性談話節目，並沒有關係，因為市長和他的團隊本身就是一齣戲，不需要另外寫劇本。 我看過一些新聞照片，市長的年輕女性幫手抓著他的胳膊，好像要扶著他讓他站直，或是正在引導他坐到椅子上。昨天在記者會後，我看見一個年輕小伙子被推到鏡頭前，他給我們看了一張圖卡，讚美有一家醫院好好地做了他們的工作，強調這家醫院位於市長管理的城市裡。 是的，應該完全歸功於市長，呃，因為他有幸有一群專業人士知道他們在做什麼。 我想知道市長對他們的表現有多少貢獻，我懷疑並沒有，他們只是在做他們的工作而已。儘管如此，這個年輕人把兩者放在一起，不知何故想出了台北市太棒了的暗示。 我為這個年輕人感到有點遺憾，他好像是在去上學的路上，被叫來把這張圖卡拿出來，以讚美他的師父為那個節目畫下句點。市長團隊的士氣一定很低吧，因為有這麼多人嘲笑他們的不專業，而且幾乎每天都這樣。我只希望這不會對他們未來的職業前景造成太大影響，也希望日後人們會忘記他們讓自己看起來有多滑稽。 他們竭盡所能美化市長，幾乎是脊椎彎到要斷裂的地步了，這個動作會讓任何有自尊的瑜伽工作室蒙羞。可悲的是，他們的努力似乎無濟於事，正如英國諺語所說：試圖用母豬耳朵製作一個絲質錢包。 我想這有點像指著一個馬戲團的小丑，告訴他他看起來很可笑，因為他有一個大紅鼻子，穿著過於寬鬆的褲子和大笨鞋。但是他本來就應該看起來很可笑，化妝，褲子和鞋子本來就是其中的一部分，為什麼要嘲笑他的大紅鼻子和他的裝扮？ 市長和他的團隊，似乎成功地創造了一種類似的行為藝術。

Help me Mr Mayor

I really need to have a private meeting with the Taipei Mayor and ask him, as a favour to me, to up his game and start behaving like a competent city leader. 

Otherwise, it would seem I am condemned to putting up with a partner who I have to scrape off the ceiling every morning, and then who spends the rest of the day with gritted teeth,  hammering away at her keyboard like a thing demented.

Surely he’s been in the job long enough by now to at least begin to grasp that while he thinks he is the most important and smartest person in the country he actually is not, not by a long way, and surrounding himself with a team with no apparent talent only makes things worse for himself and everyone he is nominally leading. 

I say nominally, because it seems that the Central Government has found a way around his obtuse obstructiveness, pointless rhetoric, misunderstanding of the wider issues and generally daft ideas and incompetence. It would seem a good thing that they have found a way to put Victor in charge and have marginalised the doctor for the time being at least.  

The press conference at the Wholesale Market yesterday was telling. Uncle Chen addressed the issues briefly and the immediate problems involved in his usual calm and measured way. Then a much longer diatribe from the doctor who, as usual, went off on his usual tangents, ignored the central questions and blamed everyone but himself for the outbreak. 

Small wonder our ex-Rock star lost it. His fiery outburst was the best part of the performance by a long way.  Chen’s face was a picture as he just stared at the ground...was that the hint of a smile I saw play briefly across his lips? I really think it was. He knew, as did everyone now does, that our doctor has been effectively pushed aside and others, like Victor can now get on with doing the right thing at the right time and repairing the damage. 

I was particularly interested to hear that the doc has hesitated to do PCR tests for all the workers including those who came in from elsewhere to work in Taipei because they were not residents in the City and the cost would come from his budget. Well there’s neighbourly for you. Japan sends in millions of vaccines to Taiwan free, while he begrudges to test those who work in his city, but don’t live there.  

Being a doctor you’d have thought he would be keen to help people no matter who they were, or where they came from. I thought this particularly mean, and just too far from the spirit of what leaders should be pushing for in terms of community spirit and sharing at a time of national crisis.

Taipei is, after all, the richest city in Taiwan. You would have thought someone who has an eye on the Presidency would have the sense to at least appear a bit more sharing. Not to mention displaying a bit more leadership, and taking responsibility and not blaming everyone else for anything that goes wrong. His behaviour would appear to make a joke of any Presidential ambitions he might have.

Matt Finished - The Red Tops do it again

 The Tabloid Press in the UK has a, shall we say, coloured reputation. Much derided and dismissed by many in the country, the so-called Red Tops are nevertheless key to holding the government to account and exposing wrongdoing in high places. 

They are known as the Red Tops, because of the paper’s masthead with its distinctive red background to the papers’ name. The Sun, The Mirror, The Star and the now defunct News of the World are the main ones. The Daily Mail and the Daily Express also fit in the category, but to a lesser extent as they break far less stories, and are altogether less impressive.     

Often called the Gutter Press, because of its pre-occupation with sex and scandal, but say what you like about the Tabloids, they are supremely good at uncovering hypocrisy, lies, wrongdoing and incompetence  at the very highest levels, but only really when it suits them. 

Matt Handcock, the Health Minister, being a case in point. He was the Minister who, in his position as Health Minister told the public to …. Stay at Home, Don’t Go On Holiday, Don’t Attend Your Mother’s Funeral, Don’t Visit Your Girlfriend, Don’t Kiss Your Grandmother, Don’t Go to Social Gatherings, Don’t Have Parties, Don’t Have Your Neighbours Round for a Drink...don’t don’t don’t. All said in his role of the safety first Health Minister. 

But, apparently it was OK for him to snog someone he’d known for 15 years since University days, but not OK for you to do anything so outrageous and break the lockdown rules he’d imposed on people. He was the lawmaker, and can tell people what to do, but apparently he was above such things and can do as he pleases. 

What this simple minded Government Minister’s tiny brain did not recognise was a CCTV camera hanging from the ceiling outside his office or that this would not be a good place to stick his tongue down the throat of his ‘advisor’ and fondle her bum. This, of course, was an ‘advisor’ employed by Handcock at the taxpayers expense. The hypocrisy is mind boggling. 

In a nutshell, this is what happened to a Minister of the Crown, only one step away from being a candidate for Prime Minister. What an untrustworthy, lying, moronic, two-faced, shallow and untalented person he turned out to be.  

So do we in Taiwan, have to worry about being dictated to by such unscrupulous individuals lacking in basic morals and happy to break their own rules? 

This is obviously open to question, but as an outsider, I can honestly tell you I would have scored the UK Health Minister a low four in terms of trustworthiness, while I would still rate Mr Chen a strong 9.    

For a moment, let’s all time to contrast what we as individuals experienced in Taiwan during Covid, remembering, of course, Taiwan is an island, like the UK and has one-third the population of the UK. Both are developed economies, have a high standard of living, both have a national health service and both are democracies. In case you didn’t realise, in the latest Standard of Living Index, Taiwan ranks one below Singapore.

Here are the crudely adjusted figures ie. just cutting the UK numbers by 66 percent to adjust for the population difference. I know it’s not very scientific and I’m happy to be called out on the methodology, but purely working out that the UK has three times the population of Taiwan...you get these figures. 

UK cases 1,609,487

Taiwan cases 14,853

UK deaths 42,720

Taiwan deaths 661

So on the one hand we have a so-called developed nation with a now disgraced Health Minister vs our own Health Minister. Maybe I’m being naive, but at the moment I’d be more inclined to trust Uncle Chen than anyone else with the handling of the pandemic. 

His track record speaks for itself, unlike Matt Handcock’s which is all too evident in the figures above. I’d say that is a clear measure of success where Taiwan comes out near the top of any global league table of who fared best during Covid.

Having been a professional journalist for the bulk of my working life I am by nature a cynic. Many, and here my immediate family would agree, that I’m too cynical and tend to mistrust anyone in a position of political power. There are just too many who have political power over ordinary people who misuse their position, or make laws they then don’t think applies to them. 

I love to see such hypocrisy exposed and the media plays a vital role in doing so. Sadly the media in Taiwan is not sufficiently evolved and not enough attention is paid to the training of young journalists to yet establish a media that can properly hold politicians to account.

I am guided by the Health Minister track record on Covid to make my judgement on his expertise and sincerity. I’ve watched the grey flecks in his hair develop over the last few months and it would seem, on the face of it, he is a man under pressure and doing his level best for the people he represents and is trying to protect. 

The barrage of pointless and banal questions he faces from an inexpert media pack on a daily basis makes my heart bleed. I’m not only embarrassed for the reporters who are turning up every day with clearly little training or much knowledge of what it is to be a proper journalist, but for him.

You can see he struggles to be diplomatic and patient with what seems little more than a pack of ill-prepared robots asking repeat questions or questions with zero relevance to the matter in hand.

I have long held the view that the media here is woefully trained and does a shockingly bad job at holding political leaders here to account and that the current government is way too gentle with them.

For example, asking journalists to identify themselves and the publication they represent is a standard procedure in pretty much every country around the world, but oddly it is not done here. Why not? Would it not help to spark some sensible questions if the journalist had to give their name and the name of their publication before asking a potentially idiotic question?

If Taiwan’s democracy is to flourish, the media here really needs to get its act together and stop just reporting in a robotic way and simply regurgitating what people say without it going through some kind of thought process. 

Simple reporting is something a nine-year old can do, proper journalism with analytical thinking and the formulation of proper questions to dig out facts and the truth is quite another.

Sadly, the bulk of the media here is ill trained and robotic, muchless capable of the kind of investigation it takes to uncover the kind of massive hypocrisy we have just seen with the ex-Health Minister Handcock in the UK.

台北市疫調

 台北市如今念茲在茲的是疫調，說他們一直在做疫調，精準疫調，比別人做的更多更好。

指揮中心一直在做的是疫調結果認定沒有風險，那就不必公佈足跡才不會造成不必要的恐慌。台北市之前每天幾百例確診熱區密密麻麻，疫調沒意義或是沒有人力做都可以理解，不過忽然之間從市長副市長到發言人，不斷強調台北市一直有在做疫調，精準疫調。

任何人都知道每天幾百例持續一兩個禮拜時不可能做疫調，台北市長當時也說了不做。如今有能力可以做疫調了很好，為什麼要強詞奪理說自己向來做的比別人多比別人好？你知不知道聽你說話都感覺出你心虛，草草結束句子，副市長甚至偶爾口氣發抖緊張？

至於搶先在臉書公佈屏東確診者的台北市接觸者，被質疑如此行為造成民眾恐慌，他的答案是他要告訴大家可以放心，怎麼會是造成恐慌，很奇怪！

至今北農確診者疫調足跡都不願意公佈的台北市長，原因是會造成假象，但面對為何公佈根本沒確診接觸者的質疑，反過來調侃發問者很奇怪。也對，這不過是他用來宣揚病毒來自屏東的伎倆，和恐慌有什麼關係？退訂枋山芒果應該是民眾自己愚蠢，不關他的事。

誇口自己是醫生是科學家是政治家，終究只是卑劣的唬爛政客。

超前部署

 沒有任何一個政府是完美的，尤其在這場前所未見的疫情衝擊之下，執政者措手不及，沒有完善的準備，抗疫手段充滿漏洞，真真實實發生於地球上每一個國家，每一個，包括超級強國。

然而台灣執政黨能夠如何避免這些漏洞，即使有一年多的時間準備？反對黨去年又應該如何嚴格監督政府：準備取之不竭用之不盡的檢驗量能，蓋更多醫院，清出更多負壓病床，買好足夠的疫苗，或是要求首都做好在萬華的防疫？

台灣的檢驗能量或許不足，醫療系統或許在病例持續激增後終將崩潰，然後步上歐美強國的後塵。但是台灣抗疫的手段顯然還是優於絕大部分的國家，原諒我的晶晶體，At the end of the day，檢驗能量沒有不足，醫療系統沒有崩潰，疫情在一個月後大致控制。

要說是運氣也可以，但這運氣就是在台灣頭上，即使我認為這個運氣也是努力得來的結果。

如果沒有雙北，疫情早已全面控制。而雙北疫情繼續，是政治因素，是當地執政者的能力問題，不是準備不足。

等待老師發改好的考卷之前心情七上八下，結果還是考了個80分。拿到考卷我對自己說：要是考前再背熟一點，猜到老師會出什麼題目，答題的時候再小心一點就好了，那就滿分了。

但是我立刻又想：全班全學年全校平均都快不及格了呢，我犯了一些錯誤他們可是錯的一塌糊塗，我還是鼓勵一下自己吧。

#1450雜感

https://www.upmedia.mg/news_info.php?SerialNo=117087

整天抱怨的人

那些責怪為什麼不能讓果凍或是慈濟去買疫苗的人，應該也覺得台灣立刻馬上現在就可以加入聯合國去世衛組織開會坐在貴賓席，都是因為政府那麼無能吧？柯媽都會幫兒子準備選總統的表格，台灣政府這些事怎麼都不做。別人送疫苗靠北為何當我們是乞丐，遲到沒報到名選總統怪為什麼五點截止報名。

最近這些人其實也沒那麼讓我氣結了，台灣就是還很多這種人。他們好像沒出過社會一樣，不知道凡事都得努力，有時努力也沒什麼成果，他們予取予求，整天覺得自己的處境最可憐別人都應該給予無限同情，標準的驚世夫妻受害者情結。有時想想，這也許是台灣多年來被邊緣化造就出來的不正常心理。

就算看見有外國媒體報導台灣寫不清楚或有誤解，我也漸漸沒那麼憤憤不平，除非是重大錯誤。我們懂得多少美國內政民情，除了英國王室八卦，我們又對別人的歷史有多少興趣，歐盟如何運作非洲有幾個國家，印度和巴基斯坦或是馬來西亞和新加坡有什麼淵源，連個大概都說不出來，要怎麼怪別人不了解台灣和中國之間的錯綜複雜。

不過我相信在這次疫情之中還有疫情過後，台灣一定會得到比以往更多的注意和理解，也算是不幸中的大幸。