Political cliché

Mr Wannabe President - “Sigh, I really want to become President but I’ve no idea how to go about it. I know, I’ll pop to the political ideas shop and see what they have in stock.”

“Good morning Mr Political Ideas Shopkeeper. I’m having a bit of a problem with the campaign and I need some ideas. I’m not spectacularly imaginative and need a bit of help.”

“I’m looking for something catchy so the public will understand, and it has to be short so they remember it. Oh, and it needs to make me appear like I actually care, and don’t want the top job because I just really, really, really want to be president and get my name in the history books.”

Ideashop Shopkeeper - “Certainly sir, let’s see what I have in stock. What about picking a fight with a neighbouring country? The Brits used that to huge effect just lately and Boris Johnson won the last election with the biggest majority for 40 years.”

Mr Wannabe President - “Humm, that one is a bit tough because you know who our closest neighbour is, and I think we’d like to stay friendly with Japan. What else do you have?”

Ideashop Shopkeeper - “Well there’s always anti-immigration, that also worked well for Boris and was all part of his Everyone Should Hate the EU campaign.

“The upside is you can lie as much as you like because everyone will blame the immigrants for everything anyway. It works extremely well and really took off in the United States, although it  didn’t end too well and their wall was never finished.”

Mr Wannabe President - “I really can’t see that one going down too well given the jobs the imported labour does here and besides, who’s going to look after my old Mum and Dad while I’m out and about with my soapbox drumming up support.”

“I need something that’s more simple that doesn’t commit me to announcing any solid policies.”

Ideashop Shopkeeper - “Well, I do have this, although it’s had a few previous owners so it is a bit battered and needs some attention. It’s the Make our Country Great Again campaign.”

“One second I’ll get a damp cloth to clean it up a bit... This has certainly seen some action over the years, but I’m sure it  will clean up as good as new.”

“Although I can’t guarantee its reliability as it’s not worked too well in the past.”

“In fact Boris was in the shop with his mate Nigel Farage not long ago and they bought it.”

“Frankly I think Nigel had taken him down the pub beforehand as I didn’t even have to come down in price. Mind you, this is the exact same idea as they returned it not long after when they realised the country was actually called Great Britain.”

“That’s why it’s a little dirty...er, you do understand I can’t give you any refunds on this particular idea as it’s been used so many times?”

“But it is a very popular line. Canada bought it once and tried it but it didn’t catch on at all, the Skiing Association, Farmers Union and even the bloody Country Music Association have bought this particular model.”

“The Republicans still have theirs although it seems to have lost its appeal now, and they were back in the shop a while back to buy the Save America campaign.”

“I’ll be completely honest with you because it’s hardly a new idea and has been tried in a lot of places, but it has never really worked.”

“People tend to ask awkward questions and that can cause you problems. So you don’t think the country is great? When was it last great? How are you going to make it great? What stopped it being great?”

“That last one can be particularly tricky if your party happened to be in power when something bad happened in the past and you can’t blame it on someone else.”

“It’s not difficult for your political opponents, or journalists, to dig out all sorts of economic numbers and things like that to prove the country became less great when your party was in power. So you need to handle it with a bit of care” 

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you a knock-down price because I like your face...but don’t bring it back saying it’s not working.”

Mr Wannabe President - “Great, I’ll take it.” 

Ideashop Shopkeeper - “A pleasure doing business. I’ll get the boy to clean it up a bit and deliver it, shall we say Friday? Oh and the hats, if you have a load of hats made. I can’t buy back any more hats, I have a stockroom full of the damn things and I can’t shift them…” 

《 陳腔爛調的政治語言 》 Mr Wannabe President：唉，我真的很想成為總統，但不知道要怎麼做。啊，我知道了！我去政治點子商店看看他們有什麼好東西。 (進入店門) Mr Wannabe President ：早安！我在準備競選期間遇到了一些問題，需要來點腦力激盪。實在也是因為我沒有驚人的想像力，所以要找人幫個忙。 我在找一些可以讓民眾很快就懂，而且簡短容易記住的選舉策略。 哦還有，這必須讓我看起來像是我有把選總統當一回事的樣子。我不是想要坐上那個高位，而是因為我真的、真的、真的很想當總統，讓歷史把我的名字記上一筆。 Ideashop Shopkeeper： 沒問題先生，我看看店裡有什麼庫存。。。找鄰國吵一架如何？最近有個人利用這一點對選舉造成巨大影響，就是那個英國首相強生，他以 40 年來的最大的多數贏得英國上次選舉。 Mr Wannabe President ： 這個有點難，你知道我們的鄰居是日本，我想我們應該和日本保持友好的關係。還有什麼別的商品？ Ideashop Shopkeeper： 歷久彌新的反移民政策很好用，強生也覺得很有效，這是他《每個人都應該恨歐盟》的競選主軸之一。 好處是你可以隨心所欲地撒謊，因為無論如何大家都會把一切歸咎於外來移民。這很有效，在美國也大受歡迎，不過結局不太好，那座要擋住墨西哥人的牆也沒完工。 Mr Wannabe President ：這也許不會受歡迎，因為我們有許多外來勞工在本地工作。還有，我要出去跑選舉場的時候，誰照顧我的老爸老媽？我需要一些更簡單的想法，不過不可以逼得我必須宣布真正的政策。 Ideashop Shopkeeper： 嗯，這個我們確實有，不過因為是以前留下來的存貨，有點破舊，需要整理一下。就是《讓我們的國家再次偉大》 (Make our Country Great Again) 競選主軸。 等一下，我拿塊布清理一下……這幾年被拿去用了幾次，我清一清就會跟新的一樣，不過我不能保證可靠，因為的確有不太好用的例子。 那個英國人強生和他的夥伴法拉奇不久前來我店裡，買下了這一款。說實話，我認為他們來之前，法拉奇應該是把強生帶去酒吧喝酒了，所以他們來的時候我根本不必降價，就很容易就賣給他們。不過沒多久他們就把這個商品還給我們，因為他們忽然發現英國就是叫 Great Britain。 呃，我話要先說在前頭，貨物既出概不退換，因為這個已經被使用很多次了。這一款其實賣得不錯，加拿大買了一次，試過了，但根本沒有流行起來。滑雪協會、農民聯盟甚至該死的鄉村音樂協會都買過。共和黨也買了而且現在還留著，不過這似乎已經沒有吸引力了，他們現在又來店裡要買《拯救美國》這一型。 老實說這不是新產品，已經在很多地方試過，但是從來沒有真正奏效。因為人們會問你一些尷尬的問題，那就很麻煩。他們會問你：所以你本來不覺得這個國家很棒嗎？ 上一次很棒是什麼時候？你打算如何讓國家變得很棒？是什麼阻止了國家變偉大？ 最後一個問題特別棘手，因為如果過去有很糟的事發生在你的政黨執政的時候，你不能歸咎於其他人。挖掘出各種經濟數字之類的東西，來證明你執政期間國家變得不那麼強大了，對你的政治對手或記者來說並不難，所以你需要小心處理。 這樣好了，我給你打個折扣，因為你看起來蠻討人喜歡的……但不可以拿回來退，說這沒有用。 Mr Wannabe President ： 太好了，就買這個！ Ideashop Shopkeeper：成交！ 我會讓我的伙計稍微清理一下再送過去給你，星期五可以嗎？哦還有帽子，如果你想要做一批《讓XX再度偉大》的帽子的話，要算的剛剛好，多的不能退給我。我的倉庫裡堆滿了那些該死的東西，裡頭動彈不得……

Bemused, but enormously entertained

What on earth is going on? It would seem I am making some Presidential hopefuls lose sleep  lately. 

It’s somewhat incredible they don’t have anything better to worry about than an aging journalist sitting on his balcony in the sun having a bit of fun making some jokes about policy mis-steps by the opposition and city leaders. Hyper-sensitive, or what? 

It’s all extremely flattering for me and the last time I got this much attention in Taiwan was when I did a TV interview with Ma Ying-jeou back when he was President and I was based in Beijing. 

I can’t quite understand why they are all so frightened of little me. As I said the other day, surely I am a mere flea biting the backside of an elephant like someone who has Presidential ambitions.

Why so much fear and why so defensive? Maybe it’s just a case of an empty vessel making the most noise. 

I really have to wonder why they are so worried and why they are reacting like I have any influence outside of the people who already agree with me and enjoy laughing along with me at the comic and sometimes bizarre antics of some Taiwan officials. 

Am I really Public Enemy No.1? It would seem in their eyes I somehow wield huge influence over the entire electorate. Gosh, I never realised and such power might go to my head. 

Maybe they are just bored and have nothing better to do. Maybe, somehow, I am a massive threat to them. Although for the life of me I can’t see how. 

For my part, I get a bit bored, being retired, and there is only so much time you can spend tending a little balcony garden. So I’ll keep writing and criticizing those in power who screw up, or do a bad job, and continue to hold them accountable as it is what people should know. 

A democracy is about free speech and as a retired person not in the pay of any political party anywhere in the world or in the pay of any media organisation I will continue to make good use of my freedom of speech.  

This has all made me think I actually should sign up for a Facebook and a Twitter account and write even more and more often, given this bizarre over-reaction to my few articles so far. If I can stir up such a huge reaction via a few stories, just think what I might be able to achieve with constant Tweeting and Facebooking?  

I’ve already turned down a few TV stations who wanted me to go on, maybe I should take up the next one and go on a few shows to say what I really think to a much wider and perhaps national audience. As the old English saying goes...In for a penny, in for a pound. If I’m going to get attacked with all sorts of weird and untrue claims, I may as well go the whole hog and start airing my views a lot wider， and to a bigger audience. I’ll have to give it some thought.         

Until then, dear critics, please do try to relax, sleep better at night and lower your blood pressure. If you get so wound up now about what people like me write, I dread to think what you will be like come the election. Your nerves will be sticking out on stalks and you will be on intravenous muscle relaxant if you don’t calm down a bit.  

Go to your doctor and stock up on blood pressure pills, because come election time a lot more serious critics will be wading in. I’ll likely just sit on the sidelines and point and laugh.     

Chill guys, until then...I’ll keep writing...sleep well and have a jolly good and hopefully relaxing weekend.

 Tinkerty Tonk...

《 雖然令人困惑，但有高度娛樂性》 這到底是怎麼回事？最近我似乎讓一些想要選總統的人失眠了。 令人難以置信的是，他們難道沒有比一個坐在陽台上曬太陽的老記者更值得擔心的事情嗎？這有點令人難以置信，因為他只不過是開開反對黨和市長搞砸的玩笑而已。這是超級敏感還是怎樣？ 這一切對我來說非常令人受寵若驚，上一次我在台灣受到如此多的關注是我在電視上採訪了馬英九，當時他還是總統，我是路透社派駐在北京的北亞總編輯。 我不太明白為什麼他們這麼怕一個小小的我。正如我前幾天所說的那樣，我只是在有總統野心的大象背上咬了一口的跳蚤罷了。 為什麼這麼害怕？為什麼這麼有防備心？或者只是因為那是半瓶水，因此響叮噹。 我真的很想知道他們為什麼這麼擔心，為什麼他們的反應好像是除了那些和我看法相同的人之外，我有什麼影響力。而那些人也只不過是很享受和我一起嘲笑滑稽荒謬的台灣官員罷了。 我真的是一號公敵嗎？ 在他們看來，不知何故我好像可以對全體選民產生龐大影響。天哪，我從來沒有意識到我有這種力量，這可能會讓我沖昏頭。 不過也許他們只是無聊沒什麼事可做，也因為這樣不知何故，我忽然對他們形成巨大的威脅，雖然我這輩子從來沒想過這種事情會發生。 就我而言，其實我退休了生活有點無聊，畢竟你只能花這麼多時間照顧陽台上那個小小的花園，所以我會繼續寫文章批評任何搞砸了，或者做得不好的當權者，並繼續追究他們的責任，因為這是人們應該知道的。 言論自由是民主的一環，作為一個退休人士，我沒有收到世界上任何一個政黨或是任何一個媒體的薪資，我將繼續充分利用我的言論自由。 不過這一切都讓我覺得我應該開 Facebook 和 Twitter 帳戶，並且頻繁寫作，因為到目前為止，我僅僅幾篇文章就引起了這樣詭異的過度反應。如果寫幾篇文章就可以引起如此巨大的反應，想想看不斷在 Twitter 和 Facebook 發文，會有什麼後果？ 我已經拒絕了一些想請我上談話節目的電視台，也許下一個邀請來的時候我應該接受，那麼我可以向更多甚至可能是全國的觀眾說出我的真實想法。正如古英語諺語所說，反正要做，那就做全套。如果我必須面對各種奇奇怪怪的不實指控和攻擊，我不如全力以赴，開始更廣泛地向更多觀眾發表我的觀點。嗯，也許值得考慮一下。 在那之前，親愛的批評者，請盡量放鬆，試著在晚上好好睡覺，不要讓血壓升高。如果你現在已經對像我這樣的人寫的東西如此焦慮，我不敢想像你在選舉期間會是什麼樣子。如果你不稍稍冷靜下來，你的神經會像是新冠病毒一樣張牙舞爪，你也得服用靜脈肌肉鬆弛劑。 我建議你去看醫生，並請他幫你開一些降血壓藥備用，因為選舉時間一到，就會有更多的批評者出現。屆時我很可能會坐在一旁，指著你們哈哈大笑。 冷靜下來吧，而在下次見面之前，我會繼續寫作。希望你們睡個好覺，度過一個愉快而輕鬆的週末。 Tinkerty Tonk...掰掰。

Opinion, opinion, opinion...

I’d like to thank Mr Cheng, from a hole in the ground, for taking the time to dig out our past stories and advertise them so people can read them again to reinforce the points we are making. 

I’m still not quite sure what his point is. All he seems to be intent on doing is spreading a lie that we are being paid for all this, which I repeat again, we are not. I’m assuming he is on the KMT payroll and needs to do his paymasters bidding, so I understand he feels the need to attempt to score points from his PR keyboard. 

I get that. What I don’t get is he feels the need to spread lies about people and sees conspiracy and plots all around. Paranoia because the KMT has run out of ideas, possibly?   

Maybe he is just ignorant of how opinion and political sketch writing works. Rather than explain myself here, I’ve recently found a thing called GOOGLE which actually helps you understand things you don’t know, it’s amazing.    

If it’s his opinion that the opinion of an opinion writer should be the same as his opinion, otherwise it’s not a valid opinion is not, in my opinion, a good opinion. The opinion of others is always a valid opinion and particularly if the opinion points to things that are a matter of opinion that others might be interested in, in forming their own opinions. 

Rather than spending hours digging out the opinions of others who appear to disagree with his opinion he should perhaps write his own opinion, rather than advertising the opinions of those opinion writers who, it seems, disagree with his opinion. 

In my opinion.

Time to point and laugh - again

Gosh, it would seem my jokey little pieces laughing at the Taipei Mayor’s comic capers are drawing suspicions in some quarters that I’m either representing foreign media or I’m in the pay of the DPP.

All very flattering that this retired journalist can still put pen to paper and stir up paranoia to such an extent among those desperate enough to point fingers and blame others for their own shortcomings. 

I point and laugh at the Taipei Mayor just as much as I point and laugh at Boris Johnson so I’m very even handed when I feel the need to point out that people in positions of authority are doing an awful job, falling down on the job, cannot cope with the job they got themselves elected to do and generally being dim. 

A Mr Cheng, who I don’t know from a hole in the ground, is clearly so thin-skinned that he can’t stand any criticism of officials, or he’s not well read enough to understand what political sketch writing is. He clearly is not the life and soul of any party, but then, few minor officials are. 

I can’t help wondering what our Mr Cheng would say to the KMT having so much of the local press here in its pocket? Or is that OK and it’s just the DPP that isn’t supposed to play such games. 

I’m not even on Facebook or Twitter for heaven’s sake! It smacks of some kind of desperation if they bother to waste their, shall we say brain power, on little old me and my opinion. As I say, highly flattering, but it really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense unless it is causing them major distress. Perhaps it is, the truth hurts.     

Anyway, he’s talking utter nonsense and I promise he will be the first to know if I get any communication from the DPP asking if I would do any writing for them, or that I’m somehow still linked to international media.     

Until then he really should stop being so prickly and to let a retired journalist have a bit of fun poking fun at someone who is doing a lousy job. 

I daresay there is an old Chinese proverb about the elephant does not feel a flea-bite. 

But being so hyper-sensitive is all good ammunition, so I thank him for that...something more to point and laugh at and have more fun.

《 又到了指著那些人哈哈大笑的時候了》

今天早上看到一篇文章我倒吸了一口氣，我那些嘲諷台北市長鬧劇表演博君一笑的小文章，似乎在某些陣營引起了一些懷疑，他們認為我要不是代表外國媒體，就是在 DPP 的薪資造冊名單上。

不過說實在的，這其實令人感到有點飄飄然，因為這個已經退休的記者寶刀未老，仍然可以紙上談兵引起一些人的偏執，好像他們已經陷入無計可施的絕望，只能到處指點把自己的缺失歸咎到他人頭上。

我諷刺台北市長可笑之處，和我指著英國首相強生哈哈大笑一模一樣，我是非常公平的。我之所以這麼做是因為我覺得有必要指出，那些身居要職的人不僅做得很糟糕，還好像就要從他們的職位上摔下來一樣，他們似乎無法勝任選民賦予他們的工作，並且常常一點也不聰明。

一位不知打哪兒來的鄭先生，他似乎臉皮很薄容易受傷，受不了評論者對官員的批評而寫了一篇文章，但也許是因為他閱讀不夠廣泛，不知道嘲諷政治的寫作模式在英國歷史悠久。很明顯他不是歡樂開趴時可以炒熱氣氛的靈魂，但是再想想，很少有微不足道的小官員可以辦到。

如果要討論媒體資源和政黨的關係，我想知道我們的鄭先生對 KMT 口袋裡的媒體資源會說什麼？或者他認為這沒問題，只是 DPP 不應該玩這樣的遊戲？

至於我，看在上帝的份上，我甚至沒有 Facebook 或 Twitter 的賬戶！把他們的。。。我們說是腦力吧，浪費在我和我的意見上，他們是有多狗急跳牆？不過正如我稍早說的，這其實讓人非常受寵若驚。除非我的意見給他們帶來極大的痛苦，否則真的沒有多大意義，或者是我的意見真的讓他們很苦惱？真相總是殘酷的。

不過無論如何，這位鄭先生完完全全是在胡說八道。如果 DPP 來詢問我願不願意幫他們寫文章，或者是退休的我還和任何國際媒體報導有關聯，我保證我會第一個通知他。

在 DPP 來找我之前，鄭先生面對評論真的不該跟刺猬一樣。就不能讓一個退休記者找點樂子，去取笑把工作做得很糟糕的人？

有句俗語大象不會感覺到被跳蚤咬了一口，如果你是雄偉的大象，為什麼怕被跳蚤咬一下？我敢說，中文裡一定也有類似的說法。

不過如此超級敏感，倒是為我提供了絕佳的彈藥可以上膛，因此我還是要謝謝這位不知打哪兒來的鄭先生。因為這樣，我才有更多的目標可以指著哈哈大笑，然後得到更多樂趣。

Mayoral statements as an art form

I’m beginning to change my view of the Taipei Mayor and his team. After watching yet another performance yesterday, I’ve come to the conclusion he and his team are reaching almost zero self awareness and that it has become performance art.

On the one hand I beg him to start doing a better job with the virus - although the central government seems to have taken that role over from him to limit further damage - as it winds-up my partner and I have to keep calming her down. 

On the other hand it’s nice to see her so happy and laughing much of the time as the kind of self-satire they indulge in on an almost daily basis is genuinely funny. The late night satire shows in the United States would not have to do much with this guy as he and his team are already such a parody of themselves as to make script writing unnecessary.

I see pictures of his young female helpers clutching his arm as if to hold him upright or guide him to a chair, and yesterday a young lad was wheeled out to show us some cards praising the Mayor for having a hospital in his city that was doing a good job. 

Yep, full credit to the Mayor for, er, for being lucky enough to have a bunch of professionals who know what they are doing on his patch. I wonder how much input he had, I would suspect none, and they were just doing their job. Nevertheless, the youth put two and two together and somehow came up with - The Mayor is brilliant. 

I felt a bit sorry for this youngster, who had stopped in on his way to school to present this little and-finally segment in praise of his Master. The morale of the Mayor’s team has to be rock-bottom as so many people are pointing at them and laughing, and this, on an almost daily basis. I just hope it doesn’t damage their future career prospects too much and people will forget how comical they are making themselves look.

Their spine-cracking contortions in trying to make the Mayor look good would disgrace any self-respecting yoga studio. Sadly their efforts are all to no avail and, as the old English saying goes - trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. 

I guess it’s a little like pointing at a circus clown and telling him he looks ridiculous because he has a big red nose, massive baggy pants and huge shoes. He is supposed to look ridiculous and the make-up, trousers and shoes a parody.

The Mayor and his team have successfully created a similar form of performance art.

《 市長團隊的表演藝術》 我開始改變我對台北市長及其團隊的看法了。 在看了昨天接著台北市記者會的一場演出後，我得出一個結論，就是這個團隊完全沒有自覺的程度，幾乎已經達到一種表演藝術的境界。 一方面我要拜託市長開始好好對付病毒，儘管中央政府似乎已經從他手中接下這個任務，並且也設下停損點。在這之前，我的妻子一提到他總是氣噗噗，我必須經常安撫她讓她冷靜下來。 另一方面，我很高興看到現在大部分時間，我的妻子總是很開心甚至放聲大笑，因為這個團隊似乎每天沉迷於演出自我諷刺劇，真的很有趣。 不要以為這是在深夜播出的美國諷刺性談話節目，並沒有關係，因為市長和他的團隊本身就是一齣戲，不需要另外寫劇本。 我看過一些新聞照片，市長的年輕女性幫手抓著他的胳膊，好像要扶著他讓他站直，或是正在引導他坐到椅子上。昨天在記者會後，我看見一個年輕小伙子被推到鏡頭前，他給我們看了一張圖卡，讚美有一家醫院好好地做了他們的工作，強調這家醫院位於市長管理的城市裡。 是的，應該完全歸功於市長，呃，因為他有幸有一群專業人士知道他們在做什麼。 我想知道市長對他們的表現有多少貢獻，我懷疑並沒有，他們只是在做他們的工作而已。儘管如此，這個年輕人把兩者放在一起，不知何故想出了台北市太棒了的暗示。 我為這個年輕人感到有點遺憾，他好像是在去上學的路上，被叫來把這張圖卡拿出來，以讚美他的師父為那個節目畫下句點。市長團隊的士氣一定很低吧，因為有這麼多人嘲笑他們的不專業，而且幾乎每天都這樣。我只希望這不會對他們未來的職業前景造成太大影響，也希望日後人們會忘記他們讓自己看起來有多滑稽。 他們竭盡所能美化市長，幾乎是脊椎彎到要斷裂的地步了，這個動作會讓任何有自尊的瑜伽工作室蒙羞。可悲的是，他們的努力似乎無濟於事，正如英國諺語所說：試圖用母豬耳朵製作一個絲質錢包。 我想這有點像指著一個馬戲團的小丑，告訴他他看起來很可笑，因為他有一個大紅鼻子，穿著過於寬鬆的褲子和大笨鞋。但是他本來就應該看起來很可笑，化妝，褲子和鞋子本來就是其中的一部分，為什麼要嘲笑他的大紅鼻子和他的裝扮？ 市長和他的團隊，似乎成功地創造了一種類似的行為藝術。

Help me Mr Mayor

I really need to have a private meeting with the Taipei Mayor and ask him, as a favour to me, to up his game and start behaving like a competent city leader. 

Otherwise, it would seem I am condemned to putting up with a partner who I have to scrape off the ceiling every morning, and then who spends the rest of the day with gritted teeth,  hammering away at her keyboard like a thing demented.

Surely he’s been in the job long enough by now to at least begin to grasp that while he thinks he is the most important and smartest person in the country he actually is not, not by a long way, and surrounding himself with a team with no apparent talent only makes things worse for himself and everyone he is nominally leading. 

I say nominally, because it seems that the Central Government has found a way around his obtuse obstructiveness, pointless rhetoric, misunderstanding of the wider issues and generally daft ideas and incompetence. It would seem a good thing that they have found a way to put Victor in charge and have marginalised the doctor for the time being at least.  

The press conference at the Wholesale Market yesterday was telling. Uncle Chen addressed the issues briefly and the immediate problems involved in his usual calm and measured way. Then a much longer diatribe from the doctor who, as usual, went off on his usual tangents, ignored the central questions and blamed everyone but himself for the outbreak. 

Small wonder our ex-Rock star lost it. His fiery outburst was the best part of the performance by a long way.  Chen’s face was a picture as he just stared at the ground...was that the hint of a smile I saw play briefly across his lips? I really think it was. He knew, as did everyone now does, that our doctor has been effectively pushed aside and others, like Victor can now get on with doing the right thing at the right time and repairing the damage. 

I was particularly interested to hear that the doc has hesitated to do PCR tests for all the workers including those who came in from elsewhere to work in Taipei because they were not residents in the City and the cost would come from his budget. Well there’s neighbourly for you. Japan sends in millions of vaccines to Taiwan free, while he begrudges to test those who work in his city, but don’t live there.  

Being a doctor you’d have thought he would be keen to help people no matter who they were, or where they came from. I thought this particularly mean, and just too far from the spirit of what leaders should be pushing for in terms of community spirit and sharing at a time of national crisis.

Taipei is, after all, the richest city in Taiwan. You would have thought someone who has an eye on the Presidency would have the sense to at least appear a bit more sharing. Not to mention displaying a bit more leadership, and taking responsibility and not blaming everyone else for anything that goes wrong. His behaviour would appear to make a joke of any Presidential ambitions he might have.

Matt Finished - The Red Tops do it again

 The Tabloid Press in the UK has a, shall we say, coloured reputation. Much derided and dismissed by many in the country, the so-called Red Tops are nevertheless key to holding the government to account and exposing wrongdoing in high places. 

They are known as the Red Tops, because of the paper’s masthead with its distinctive red background to the papers’ name. The Sun, The Mirror, The Star and the now defunct News of the World are the main ones. The Daily Mail and the Daily Express also fit in the category, but to a lesser extent as they break far less stories, and are altogether less impressive.     

Often called the Gutter Press, because of its pre-occupation with sex and scandal, but say what you like about the Tabloids, they are supremely good at uncovering hypocrisy, lies, wrongdoing and incompetence  at the very highest levels, but only really when it suits them. 

Matt Handcock, the Health Minister, being a case in point. He was the Minister who, in his position as Health Minister told the public to …. Stay at Home, Don’t Go On Holiday, Don’t Attend Your Mother’s Funeral, Don’t Visit Your Girlfriend, Don’t Kiss Your Grandmother, Don’t Go to Social Gatherings, Don’t Have Parties, Don’t Have Your Neighbours Round for a Drink...don’t don’t don’t. All said in his role of the safety first Health Minister. 

But, apparently it was OK for him to snog someone he’d known for 15 years since University days, but not OK for you to do anything so outrageous and break the lockdown rules he’d imposed on people. He was the lawmaker, and can tell people what to do, but apparently he was above such things and can do as he pleases. 

What this simple minded Government Minister’s tiny brain did not recognise was a CCTV camera hanging from the ceiling outside his office or that this would not be a good place to stick his tongue down the throat of his ‘advisor’ and fondle her bum. This, of course, was an ‘advisor’ employed by Handcock at the taxpayers expense. The hypocrisy is mind boggling. 

In a nutshell, this is what happened to a Minister of the Crown, only one step away from being a candidate for Prime Minister. What an untrustworthy, lying, moronic, two-faced, shallow and untalented person he turned out to be.  

So do we in Taiwan, have to worry about being dictated to by such unscrupulous individuals lacking in basic morals and happy to break their own rules? 

This is obviously open to question, but as an outsider, I can honestly tell you I would have scored the UK Health Minister a low four in terms of trustworthiness, while I would still rate Mr Chen a strong 9.    

For a moment, let’s all time to contrast what we as individuals experienced in Taiwan during Covid, remembering, of course, Taiwan is an island, like the UK and has one-third the population of the UK. Both are developed economies, have a high standard of living, both have a national health service and both are democracies. In case you didn’t realise, in the latest Standard of Living Index, Taiwan ranks one below Singapore.

Here are the crudely adjusted figures ie. just cutting the UK numbers by 66 percent to adjust for the population difference. I know it’s not very scientific and I’m happy to be called out on the methodology, but purely working out that the UK has three times the population of Taiwan...you get these figures. 

UK cases 1,609,487

Taiwan cases 14,853

UK deaths 42,720

Taiwan deaths 661

So on the one hand we have a so-called developed nation with a now disgraced Health Minister vs our own Health Minister. Maybe I’m being naive, but at the moment I’d be more inclined to trust Uncle Chen than anyone else with the handling of the pandemic. 

His track record speaks for itself, unlike Matt Handcock’s which is all too evident in the figures above. I’d say that is a clear measure of success where Taiwan comes out near the top of any global league table of who fared best during Covid.

Having been a professional journalist for the bulk of my working life I am by nature a cynic. Many, and here my immediate family would agree, that I’m too cynical and tend to mistrust anyone in a position of political power. There are just too many who have political power over ordinary people who misuse their position, or make laws they then don’t think applies to them. 

I love to see such hypocrisy exposed and the media plays a vital role in doing so. Sadly the media in Taiwan is not sufficiently evolved and not enough attention is paid to the training of young journalists to yet establish a media that can properly hold politicians to account.

I am guided by the Health Minister track record on Covid to make my judgement on his expertise and sincerity. I’ve watched the grey flecks in his hair develop over the last few months and it would seem, on the face of it, he is a man under pressure and doing his level best for the people he represents and is trying to protect. 

The barrage of pointless and banal questions he faces from an inexpert media pack on a daily basis makes my heart bleed. I’m not only embarrassed for the reporters who are turning up every day with clearly little training or much knowledge of what it is to be a proper journalist, but for him.

You can see he struggles to be diplomatic and patient with what seems little more than a pack of ill-prepared robots asking repeat questions or questions with zero relevance to the matter in hand.

I have long held the view that the media here is woefully trained and does a shockingly bad job at holding political leaders here to account and that the current government is way too gentle with them.

For example, asking journalists to identify themselves and the publication they represent is a standard procedure in pretty much every country around the world, but oddly it is not done here. Why not? Would it not help to spark some sensible questions if the journalist had to give their name and the name of their publication before asking a potentially idiotic question?

If Taiwan’s democracy is to flourish, the media here really needs to get its act together and stop just reporting in a robotic way and simply regurgitating what people say without it going through some kind of thought process. 

Simple reporting is something a nine-year old can do, proper journalism with analytical thinking and the formulation of proper questions to dig out facts and the truth is quite another.

Sadly, the bulk of the media here is ill trained and robotic, muchless capable of the kind of investigation it takes to uncover the kind of massive hypocrisy we have just seen with the ex-Health Minister Handcock in the UK.