Goldxilocks and the Three Bears

中文在下方

Once upon a time there were three bears... 

There was Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear, who all lived peacefully and happily in the big forest. 

Daddy Bear was very rich and powerful and came from a part of the forest far away. 

He thought he was the most powerful in the whole forest, although it was full of other big and unfriendly animals. Some, nearly as powerful as he was.  

Mummy Bear was tiny in comparison, but Daddy Bear loved her very much. Although she had done well in life, she never really had a lot of money and had somewhat of a troubled past. But she was very feisty and always stood up to bullies. 

Baby Bear was called Democracy and try as he might, he could not help being constantly bullied and was forced to stand up for himself. Although he was only quite young in Bear years, having been born in 1987 and really didn’t know how to behave. He could sometimes be very naughty and not know his left from his right. 

Although Daddy Bear was rich and powerful, Mummy Bear worked very hard and was up early every day preparing special porridge with her secret added ingredient, microchips, which were very hot. She made the secret ingredient in a shed in the garden and she knew how good they were for Baby Bear and would make him grow big and strong.

The day after Daddy Bear’s Auntie Pelosi left from her visit, Baby Bear came down for breakfast. He sat down and tasted his porridge. “Yikes Mother,” he cried. “This is way too hot. I’d say there are around 70 percent of all the microchips in the forest in this. I think we should all go out for a walk and let it cool down.”

So Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear all went for a walk in the forest while their microchip porridge cooled down, unaware that Auntie Pelosi had been gossiping on her way home from her visit. 

Meanwhile, Goldxilocks, who lived nearby in the forest, had heard of Auntie Pelosi’s visit and, despite warnings from her mother not to wander into the forest and make trouble, sneaked out of her house to see what was happening.

Goldxilocks arrived at the Bear’s cottage but found the door locked. But Goldxilocks was cunning and tricky and hacked a hole in the shutter and peeked in. She saw no one was home. 

She had some little forest friends with her who helped her get into the house. These were odd and nasty little creatures who lived with the Bears and, indeed, lived off of them, but were nevertheless willing to help Goldxilocks get into the house.

When Goldxilocks saw the microchip porridge she jumped for joy. She had wanted some microchip porridge for such a long time but had always struggled to make it properly and it never tasted right. 

She sat down and tried Daddy Bear’s porridge. “Yuck, too lumpy,” she said, because Daddy Bear preferred his porridge made with low grade and common microchips. 

Then she tried Mummy Bear’s porridge. “Humm, this is not bad but it is still too lumpy because while it has high-grade microchips, it also has low grade and common microchips.

Then she tried Baby Bear’s porridge. “Yummy,” she exclaimed. “This one is just right as it has loads of high grade microchips.” 

Goldxilocks looked around the Bear’s house and thought she might like to sit down. She saw Daddy Bear’s rocking-chair by the fire and thought she would try it. Little did she know that this was Daddy Bear’s very special chair which he sat in to work out how much trade he would do with the rest of the forest when he sold the things he had gathered in the forest and how much he would charge for them. 

As Goldxilock rocked back and forth in the trade chair there was a loud ‘crack’ and the chair broke. But Goldxilocks was very selfish and was now very sleepy and went upstairs to find somewhere to sleep. 

She could not sleep in Daddy Bear’s bed as it was too big and it made her feel nervous to lie on it. Mummy Bear’s bed was comfortable, but a little small. So she decided to lie on Mummy Bear’s bed and rest her feet on Baby Bear’s bed…that would do nicely.

Soon she was fast asleep dreaming of loads and loads of lovely microchip porridge when she heard the door downstairs open.

“Who’s been eating our porridge? The Bears cried. “And who’s broken my special trading chair,” yelled Daddy Bear. 

Daddy Bear rushed upstairs and saw Goldxilocks in bed. “Get out of my house,” he shouted. “And never come back.”

Goldxilocks ran back home and was roundly told off by her Mother (ie. the rest of the right thinking world) and sent to bed with no supper. 

Hopefully…

The end.

Tinktery Tonk...

很久很久以前森林裡住了三隻熊... 有熊爸爸、熊媽媽和熊寶寶，他們在大森林裡和平快樂地生活著。

熊爸爸非常富有強大，來自森林遙遠的一方。他認為他是整個森林中最強大的，儘管在那裡到處都是不友好的大動物，有些甚至幾乎和他一樣強大。

熊媽媽比較小，熊爸爸卻很愛她。 雖然生活過得不錯，但她熊媽媽從來沒有真正擁有過很多錢，也有過幾分坎坷的過去。 她一點也不畏懼強勢，面對霸凌者總是挺直腰桿。

熊寶寶的名字叫 Democracy，無論他多麼努力，他還是不斷地被欺負，被迫為自己挺身而出。 1987年出生的熊寶寶在熊界算是很年輕，言行舉止有些不穩，他有時很調皮，有時也會左右不分。

熊爸爸雖然有錢有勢，但熊媽媽卻很努力，每天早早起來，用她的秘方晶片 (microchips) 做熱騰騰的粥。 她在花園一角的棚子裡烹製了這種秘方粥，她知道這對熊寶寶很有幫助，會讓他長得又大又壯。

熊爸爸的阿姨裴洛西離開後的第二天，熊寶寶下樓來吃早餐。 他坐下來，嚐了一口他的粥。  “哎呀，媽媽，”他喊道。  “這太燙了。 我想這片森林裡大約有 70% 的晶片都在這裡吧？ 我覺得我們都應該出去散散步，讓這個粥冷一下。”

於是，熊爸爸、熊媽媽和熊寶寶利用等待晶片粥冷卻的時間到森林裡去散散步，他們不知道其實裴洛西阿姨在她回家路上，還去了別的地方跟人閒聊。

因此住在森林附近被寵壞了的 Goldxilocks (註：原名為Goldilocks) 也聽說裴洛西阿姨的來訪，儘管她的母親警告她不要走進森林找麻煩，她還是偷偷溜出去看熱鬧。

Goldxilocks 到達熊家發現門鎖著，但狡猾的她在百葉窗上挖了一個洞往裡偷看，發現家裡沒有人，然後她有一些在森林裡的伙伴幫她進到三隻熊的家。這些奇怪而討厭的小動物雖然在森林裡和熊一起生活，但仍然願意幫助 Goldxilocks 進入房子。

看到晶片粥時，Goldxilocks 高興得跳了起來。 長時間以來，她一直想要吃晶片粥，但不管再怎麼努力，味道從來沒有好過。

她坐下來嚐了熊爸爸的粥。  “哎呀，太粗糙了，”她說。因為熊爸爸比較喜歡吃不精緻的食物。

然後她試了熊媽媽的粥。  嗯，這個還不錯，但是還是不夠細緻，因為晶片粥的材料有各種規格。

然後她吃了一口熊寶寶的粥。  “好吃，”她叫道。  “這個恰到好處，因為裡面是大量的高級晶片。”

吃過粥現在 Goldxilocks 想要坐下來了，她環顧四周，在火爐邊看到熊爸爸的搖椅。 她不知道這是非常特別的椅子，熊爸爸坐在上面計算他在森林裡收集的東西，要和森林的其他人做多少交易，以及他會收取多少費用。

Goldxilock 在交易椅上來回搖晃，忽然間發出一聲巨響，椅子壞了。 但是 Goldxilocks 是個很自私的人，她才不管，因為想睡了就上樓找地方睡覺。

熊爸爸的床太大了，躺在上面讓她感到緊張。 熊媽媽的床很舒服，就是有點小。 所以她決定躺在熊媽媽的床上，把腳放在熊寶寶的床上……這樣就好了。

當她聽到樓下的門打開時，她正夢見一大堆可愛的晶片粥。

“誰偷吃了我們的晶片粥？” 一家人在廚房大喊！  “誰弄壞了我的特殊交易椅，”熊爸爸氣壞了。

熊爸爸衝上樓，看到床上的 Goldxilocks。  “滾出我的房子，”他喊道。  “而且永遠不要再回來。”

Goldxilocks 慌慌張張跑回家，並被她的母親（正確思維世界的其他人）訓斥了一頓，沒有晚飯可以吃就被送進房間睡覺了。

結束。

Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰。

The US and Asia - and Taiwan

There is a phrase in English ‘A Hostage to Fortune’ which means an undertaking or remark that is regarded as unwise because it invites trouble or could prove difficult to live up to.

As a journalist, I’ve always regarded making big predictions in opinion columns as unwise and making myself a Hostage to Fortune, because it’s easy to be proved wrong. 

That caveat out of the way, as a concerned resident I do feel the need to write down my thoughts on the latest shenanigans in - and indeed around - Taiwan. I also want to do this as I’m frankly embarrassed by much of the Media’s take on the Pelosi visit.

What many people tend to forget is the deeper background and history of a situation, either because they are ignorant of the facts, or because they have an agenda. 

It seems the United States attitude towards Taiwan has been bolstered by circumstance since President Jimmy Carter broke relations with the Republic of China in 1979 and defined officially substantial but non-diplomatic relations between the two.

The relationship was perhaps less important while the US still felt it was the undisputed leader and policeman of the free world as well as being economically head-and-shoulders above everywhere else. 

This pole-position has ebbed away in recent decades as other areas grabbed a larger share of global Gross Domestic Product and caught up with an America which was dogged not only by home grown crises like the 2008 housing crash but also by global events.

Watching the now organised might of the European Union, as well as China and India, catch up with it so strongly in terms of economic strength, must be a concern for the US if they are looking to hold onto their global political clout and influence. 

With economic power ebbing away, it is small wonder they look towards the still unassailable position their huge military affords them to retain global influence. The U.S. Armed Forces are by far the world's most powerful with a budget of around US$700 billion, accounting for around 35 percent of the world's total defence spending and three times its nearest rival.     

Only last Wednesday the Associated Press carried the following lead. “U.S. Senators delivered overwhelming bipartisan approval to NATO membership for Finland and Sweden Wednesday, calling expansion of the Western defensive bloc a “slam-dunk” for U.S. national security and a day of reckoning for Russian President Vladimir Putin over his invasion of Ukraine.”

With the US having the largest number of military personnel of all the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO) countries and so, by a long way, having the biggest influence, it is no wonder they described expanded membership as a “slam-dunk”.

That language alone pretty much demonstrates the US wants to retain its political power and authority in the world, and part of that is not just being in better shape to stand up to the likes of Russia, but elsewhere where threats remain.

The Americans have fought two major wars since WWII during the Cold War with the Soviets, obsentibly to stop the spread of communism. The Korean and Vietnamese Wars were aimed primarily at preventing the spread of communism, costing around 95,000 American lives and  well over 300,000 wounded. 

Has the world really changed that much for the United States to have collectively forgotten all those crippled and dead American souls to not fight for democracy and against the spread of communism now? 

Yes, the world has changed. Yes things are different now, but I have to wonder if the fundamentals that existed then have completely disappeared in the minds of ordinary Americans and that of the American Government.  

Also remember the moves by America after World War 2 (WWII) in constructing defensive lines across the Pacific stretching from Japan in the north, through Taiwan, South Korea, and the Philippines down across East Asia and the Pacific to Australia. This was all done with the possibility of future tensions in mind. Would the US just abandon such a long-standing commitment?

“We envision an Indo-Pacific that is open, connected, prosperous, resilient, and secure—and we are ready to work together with each of you to achieve it,” US President Joe Biden said at the East Asia Summit in October 2021.     

Nearly half the US military are deployed abroad, with around 80,000 American personnel overseas. Japan has 53,700 and South Korea 26,400. South Korea hosts Camp Humphreys, the largest overseas US military base, just 65km from Seoul.

Given the history and other recent tensions and worries over the situation in the South China Sea, is it any wonder the authorities in the world’s leading nation are taking a close interest in the perceived threat to Taiwan? This, particularly in the light of Ukraine and the tragedy of the aggression that is happening there. 

I think those who dismiss the Pelosi visit as just the United States trying to face-down another superpower and using Taiwan as a political pawn in some giant diplomatic chess game are not fully considering how the US has behaved in the past in Asia. Its fight against the spread of communism, its championing of democracy and its close relationship with Japan underline America’s commitment to the peace and stability in the Pacific region. 

On the US State Department website under an article headlined ‘U.S. Relations With Japan’ it says “Japan is one of the world’s most successful democracies and largest economies. The U.S.-Japan Alliance is the cornerstone of U.S. security interests in Asia and is fundamental to regional stability and prosperity. The Alliance is based on shared vital interests and values, including: the maintenance of stability in the Indo-Pacific region.”

I do wonder if those who suggest the US is just playing political games, or just trying to score points in an apparently growing Cold-War, or are somehow frightened of another superpower are mis-remembering the huge price America has paid in Asia in the past.

WWII saw America sacrifice 111,606 dead or missing and another 253,142 wounded in the war against Japanese imperialism in the Pacific. That, together with the subsequent wars against the spread of communism and their ongoing and vocal support of Pacific nations is enough to convince me the Pelosi visit is far from them just playing hollow diplomatic games. 

Tinkerty Tonk…

More Misguided Mutterings from the Malfuctioning Mayor

There are times when you shut up and times you speak out, care and intelligence is required. Otherwise, the danger is you become a hate figure. 

For politicians this is particularly true…the main issue is to choose your targets wisely. 

Speaking as an outsider, it seems the Taipei Mayor falls down every open manhole he walks close to by blurting things out and not picking his targets. It’s difficult and uncomfortable to watch, like someone eles's dental treatment.   

There are many wise sayings about this, perhaps the most apt in terms of choosing the right target is… 

“Every time a stupid politician says something stupid, you don’t have to reply to him, because it is nonsense to shoo every barking dog away” - Mehmet Murat ildan, Turkish contemporary novelist , short story writer and playwright .

Why on earth should the malfunctioning Taipei Mayor be worried about who takes over from him? He’s at the end of his term and, however misguided and unrealistic he may be, he has his eye on the presidency.

Is it just blind hatred of the DPP? Is it because he wants his chosen successor to be Mayor? Who knows? It seems bizarre to spend time and effort to go after Mayoral hopeful Uncle Chen, if he thinks he has a realistic chance at the presidency. He surely has bigger fish to fry.   

For his part Uncle Chen has already, in his quiet and unassuming way, come back with a zinger to M Malfunction’s rants. 

"Don't just talk big, you want to solve the traffic problem in Neihu, you have to talk about specific solutions, don't go around and don't know what you're talking about,” frothed the current Mayor. 

Our friendly and cuddly dentist replied. “He is the Mayor now, and it should be the Mayor who explains his policy to the citizens. Why did he look to the citizens and ask them to teach him what to do?  If so, may as well let me be the Mayor.” 

I just wrote a piece on the VoiceTank site about dangerous idiots in politics and the damage they can do. 

It seems there are some, currently in positions of authority and seeking higher office, who are only too willing to reinforce the point. Voters should take careful note of the personalities of those they chose to lead them when they stand at the ballot box and make their mark. Beware the Dullards.   

Tinkerty Tonk…  

We all suffer Buyer's Remorse from time to time. When that funky kitchen tool falls to bits after three days, or the hotel room you booked for a weekend break hoping for a good view has most of its rooms facing the surrounding buildings. 

Most times, we shrug it off as bad luck and get on with life. 

It gets far more serious when we are beguiled by glossy and attractive promises by politicians that we end up voting for them and are then more than just mildly disappointed…for years.

Britain has just gone through exactly that, with the result being the embarrassing enforced ejection of Prime Minister Boris Johnson. The exact process of this political execution is not important as he was sacked by his own party, but his popularity with the public had also plunged, with 71 percent of the public thinking he was doing a bad job, according to a recent YouGov poll. 

According to past YouGov polls, Johnson had managed to boost his approval rating to 66 pct after about a year of this three years in office. When he stepped down as leader earlier this month it had collapsed to just 23 percent.

America’s former president Donald Trump has a similar popularity profile and by the time he was voted out in 2020, around sixty percent of US citizens disapproved of his performance as  President.

Both these tissue-paper leaders rode to power on a wave of popularist policies, but with the focus on a few ‘hot-button’ issues like immigration with Trump’s Build-the-Wall and Johnson’s Get-Brexit-Done.  

There were, of course, other promises but, as is usual with the peddlers of popularist policies as a means to gain power, they came with the baggage of a litany of lies and falsehoods aimed at frightening the electorate and playing on their innate fears and prejudices.

With a combination of charisma, false promises and outright lies they rode to power and enthusiastic voters rallied round, only to discover a few short years later that their new Emperor had no clothes and the country was getting into a mess and going in the wrong direction. 

Brexit is a classic example. Johnson, who models himself on his alter-ego Winston Churchill the great wartime leader, charged to power pretty much just on the single issue of at last finalising  Brexit, which ended Britain’s 47-year-old partnership with the European Union (EU).  

Barefaced lies were built upon barefaced lies. This, combined with a steadfast refusal to look facts in the face resulted in an inadequate botched divorce agreement with the EU which the government is now frantically trying to back away from and, of course, blaming everyone but themselves. 

Fifty three percent of Britons now believe it was a mistake to leave the European Union but Johnson’s lies were believed at the time and that was enough to tip the balance towards leaving. A referendum now would have the opposite result. Johnson was a weak leader who lied to cover up mistakes and had neither the moral fibre or backbone to confront his own dangerous inadequacies. 

He was a disastrous Prime Minister and his party has rightly kicked him out of the top job. Arguably much too late, but they got there in the end.  

It was much the same with Liar-in-Chief Donald Trump, who I know had a following in Taiwan because of his tough stance on China. But he too was a disastrous leader swept to power on a wave of popularist policies and sea of lies. He was a charismatic showman who played on people’s prejudices saying Hispanics coming across the United States southern border were, to directly quote the man, "bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists."

“They're taking our jobs, they're taking our manufacturing, they're taking our money, they're taking everything, and they're killing us at the border,” Trump said at a campaign rally in Phoenix in July 2015.

Clearly, for most right-thinking people such vile invective has no place in modern democratic politics, nevertheless, Trump became President. 

Full credit to America in realising their mistake and he was booted out of the office after just one term, but as we are now witnessing with the January 6 Capital Riot inquiry, if you allow someone as politically disgusting as Trump to gain power, it can do deep and lasting damage to your democracy and trust in the system of government.

Sadly, I believe the economic damage Johnson has wreaked on the UK economy and the political damage Trump has done to the US democracy, will be long lasting and difficult to resolve. 

It could well result in a change in the political DNA of both countries where honesty and decency are seen as nice-to-haves but no longer essential in the modern era. Aggressive and nasty policies like Britain trying to send immigrants to Rwanda, and constantly shifting blame after mistakes are made could well become the norm. I hope not, but I fear it may become so.  

While Taiwan politics is not tainted with appalling charlatans like Johnson and Trump, it is well to keep a lookout for such types. When you watch the behaviour of our politicians it is not hard to spot those who obfuscate, bend the truth or even shamelessly lie.

Then there are some who just over-promise and get more easily swayed voters to believe their rhetoric, even as reality flies out of the window.    

Kaohsiung once had a Mayor who promised great riches based on a closer relationship with China. He was duly elected but fortunately the electorate realised their mistake and, just as fortunately, he was recalled. It was not only a false promise, but a dangerous one.

Taichung has a Mayor who was voted in on the promise of working wonders over their awful pollution problem. It has never improved. Empty promises made to gain power, you can see the pattern. 

In some individuals the desire to gain power can lead to them either lying outright, or believing their own fantasy that somehow they are God-like and can actually alter reality. Narcissism and arrogance takes over and to a section of the electorate this can act like a drug if they think a ‘strong’ leader is the answer to their problems or the route to a better future.   

The reality is, quite frankly, reality. I’m sorry if that sounds glib, but the old British saying of ‘Jam Tomorrow’ sums it up quite well. The meaning is “a pleasant thing which is often promised but rarely materialises.”

Hoping for a better future is something we all do. Hoping for a better future based on false hopes is something best avoided.

In Greek mythology, Sirens who were part bird and part woman, lured sailors to their death on rocky coasts by seductive singing only to drag them to the depths and eat them. 

Beware political sirens who try to seduce with unrealistic or dangerous promises.    

As a foreigner living in Taiwan I have been shocked and dismayed at the developments in the US and the UK, the country of my birth. It is why I cherish living in a young Taiwanese democracy and the fact that it is, for the most part, currently free from the kind of obnoxious political games playing out in the west in what were once decent and honest democracies.

I hope and pray Taiwan’s voters are never seduced by such people.   

Tinkerty Tonk...  

 

The Health Minister and the Happy Cat

中文在下方

I’m more used to looking up to the ceiling for the cat when I can’t find her, but this afternoon it was different and I found the feisty feline skipping around the living room with joy on the news that the Nation’s favourite Minister, Uncle Chen, would be standing for Taipei Mayor in November. 

The DPP has quite sensibly decided it needs a good manager for Taiwan’s capital, but just as important has chosen someone decent, steady, calm and caring. 

I’ll be writing a long piece in the coming days about the political carnage elsewhere in the world. The lying, cheating, narcissistic political figures in other countries who damage their democracies and fail the people…Eg. the most recent ignominious sacking of British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

I have written many times about some political figures in Taiwan who gaslight and misdirect the public, and shamelessly indulge in outright lies. Many are naturally autocratic and brazen in their near constant half-truths and disrespect of the public. 

You know who they are. We all know who they are. The one essential is such people are never allowed to attain high office. 

In my 40 years as a journalist I have covered many political regimes and many political figures across the left-right spectrum of government across many countries, I am extremely happy to see someone of real depth and gravitas put forward as Taipei Mayor. 

I am disgusted with the political shenanigans going on in the country of my birth, although it reminds me of why I decided to leave :) 

But I am sincerely heartened that in my adopted country, the Government is smart enough to put forward someone like Uncle Chen to lead the capital city. 

Tinkerty Tonk…

當我找不到我家那頭貓的時候，我會習慣性仰望天花板,，就會看到她氣噗噗黏在天花板上。但今天下午情況不同，我發現這頭貓高興地在客廳裡蹦蹦跳跳，因為令人喜愛的衛福部長陳叔叔，將在11月代表執政黨競選台北市長。

這是民進黨明智的決定，台灣需要一個好的首都管理者，同樣重要的是，該黨選擇了一個正直、穩重、冷靜和關心別人的人。 我正打算寫一篇關於在世界其他地方發生的政治慘劇的長篇文章，目前這個世界並不是處於很好的狀態，那些撒謊、欺騙、自戀的政治人物破壞了他們的民主制度，並讓人民失望，最近的一個例子就是可恥的英國首相強生被迫下台。

我曾多次寫過台灣一些政客煽風點火、誤導民眾、厚顏無恥地撒謊。 許多人天生專制而且厚顏無恥，幾乎總是半真半假，不尊重民眾。 你知道他們是誰，我們都知道他們是誰。 最重要的一點是，永遠不要允許這樣的人在政治上更上一層樓。

在我作為記者的 40 年中，我報導了許多國家的許多政體，政府左派右派的許多政治人物，我非常高興看到真正有內涵且莊重的台北市長參選人。

我對我的母國發生的政治鬧劇極度厭惡，這提醒了我為什麼我決定離開英國。因此我由衷感到欣慰的是，在收養我的這個國家，政府足夠聰明，可以推出像陳叔叔這樣的人來領導首都。

Tinkertoy Tonk… 掰掰。

The Book/Food Tour

 

中文在下方

With an empty car and an equally light heart we recently set out for our book launch tour, looking forward to meeting some of our online friends in this somewhat odd virtual world of relationships we all inhabit these days.

Little did I know that six days later I would be struggling in 35 degrees under the hot Kaohsiung sun to pack a mountain of food and other gifts from those kind enough to attend the book signings. 

I still wonder about the Taiwanese obsession with food. I guess I come from a country where the food is so crappy I’d not give it as a gift to anyone.

Why did Britain bother to conquer most of the world over a couple of centuries and ship home mountains of rare and exotic spices to stick with a diet like this? 

Although I have to say the one thing there I still love is HP sauce.

While I have long fallen out of love with stodgy British food, I do have to wonder about some of fads when it comes to the regional foods in Taiwan. 

Tainan, for example, and their apparent obsession with making everything they eat, sweet. 

Seafood is my absolute favourite and as we tucked into a dish of squid in Tainan, which was, of course, sweet, I casually asked the question "Is there a historical reason Tainan favours sweet food, is it because there was sugar cane grown here?"

Apparently not. So I'm still intrigued as to why and if anyone knows, perhaps they would be good enough to enlighten me in the comments section. 

We had huge support from all our friends and also from the Mayors of Tainan and Kaohsiung  who were kind enough to send messages of support and flowers. One display was as tall as I am so it was impossible for us to take in the car. I hope it remains in place and gives pleasure to visitors to the venue in the days and perhaps weeks to come.

My hope is we can do this again with the next book…

Hope to see you then.

Tinkerty tonk…

帶著和一輛空車同樣輕快的心情，我們最近展開了新書發表會之旅，希望離開現在所處這個有點奇怪充滿虛擬關係的世界，與一些朋友面對面。

我沒想到的是八天後，我在 35 度的高雄烈日下苦苦掙扎，試著把那些好心來參加新書會的讀者送給我們，像一座小山那麼高的一大堆食物和其他各式各樣的禮物擠進車子裡。

即使住在台灣一陣子了，我依舊無法理解台灣人對食物的痴迷。 可能是因為我來自一個食物如此糟糕的國家，我絕對不會把食物當作禮物送給任何人。

有時我不禁要想，為什麼大英帝國費心在幾個世紀內，征服世界大部分地區，並把稀有的異國香料飄洋過海一船一船運回國，現在卻堅持這樣的飲食：炸魚、薯條、焗扁豆、青豆泥？不過我不得不承認我仍然很喜歡的英國口味是HP醬。(喬伊斯註：裡面成分是許多印度香料)

我早已不再喜歡乏味的英國食物了，我很好奇也想知道台灣各地食物的一些特色。以台南為例，他們明顯沉溺於把他們吃的每樣東西都變甜。

海鮮是我最喜歡的食物，新書會結束後朋友帶我們去了台南一家歷史悠久的海鮮餐廳，一群人圍坐在騎樓下的圓桌，竟然被一位路過的讀者認出來！我夾起一塊三杯魷魚，當然是甜的。我隨口問了一個問題：台南喜歡甜食是否有歷史原因，是因為這裡種了甘蔗嗎？ ？

顯然不是。 所以我仍然感到好奇，如果有人知道，也許可以留言啟發我。

全台灣從北到南六場新書發表會，我們得到所有朋友的大力支持，包括來自台南市長和高雄市長的祝福，

盡地主之誼送來鮮花，台南的那盆蘭花和我一樣高，我們根本不可能把它塞帶進車裡帶回家。 我希望它保持原樣，並在未來幾天甚至幾週內，讓接下來參觀的遊客感覺賞心悅目。

同時我也希望，我們可以在下一本書發表時再重複一次這個經驗，與大家見面。

Tinkerty tonk…掰掰。

Mayor Blender-Brain does it again

中文在下方

Gaff prone Mayor Blender-Brian has done it again, causing a fresh patch of claw marks on our ceiling. I had to tempt the cat down this morning with the huge pile of food we received at last week’s book launches. For which many thanks indeed :)  

It would seem our much loved Mayor, that knock-about one-man comedy act, has yet again knocked his brain into neutral and blocked my resident feline from Facebook!

And to think, only recently he said “When a government hates people asking questions or thinks the peoples’ doubts about the government are fake and they suppress the people’s voice - That is the oppression of the people by the state machinery.”

Also, “The internet is a platform for young people to express their opinions everyday, we should cherish this hard won freedom. We should respect other people’s right to speak…let’s work together to deepen Taiwan’s democracy.”  

Do I detect the unwholesome whiff of hypocrisy here?     

The almost total lack of political acumen is breathtaking as censorship is the absolute worst thing any politician can be caught doing, particularly one who openly advocates free speech. 

How can you possibly trust such an individual with political power when he displays his political weakness and cowardice by censoring a member of the public who is simply expressing an opinion? 

I’m told his social media is run by a team of people paid for by the taxpayers of Taipei, but it seems that those who look at it are only allowed to post comments if they are supportive of him and anything that looks negative is banned.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say Taiwan is becoming like China!

Running scared of an unpaid member of the public who politely expresses opinions is laughable and pathetic, and most people are rightly just making fun of him over this. 

But there is also a serious point and tiny bits of censorship like this can be the thin end of the wedge when unscrupulous politicians manage to wield real power. It’s easy for them to hide behind censorship and it can be habit forming.

Laugh about this small incident by all means, but there is a sinister side to this kind of behavior. 

Tinkerty tonk…   

那個腦袋跟正在運作的攪拌機一樣的市長又來了，於是我們家的天花板出現了一批新的貓爪痕。 今天早上我不得不用我們在上週新書發表會上收到的一大堆食物 (非常感謝) 來把這頭衝到天花板上的貓引誘下來。

那位深受愛戴的市長，又來了個不好笑的單人喜劇表演，他的大腦再度暫停，並封鎖了我的家常駐在天花板上那頭貓，不讓她去他的臉書留言。

想想看，市長最近才說：討厭人民發問，甚至把任何對政府的質疑都打成造假，進而箝制人民發聲，這是國家機器對人民的壓迫。

此外他還說：網路是年輕人天天要用的發言平台，我們應該珍惜這得來不易的自由空間。 應該尊重他人的話語權，讓我們一起努力深化台灣的民主。

呃，我是否在這裡聞到了偽善的氣息？

市長先生幾乎完全缺乏政治敏銳的程度令人嘆為觀止，因為言論審查絕對是任何政治人物能被抓到最糟糕的事，尤其是來自那些公開倡導言論自由的虛偽政客。

政治人物審查一個表達意見的無償民眾，只顯示他在政治方面的無能和懦弱，你怎麼可能信任這樣一個人擁有政治權力？

我聽說他的社交媒體是由台北納稅人出錢的團隊經營的，但看起來似乎只有支持他的人才能發表評論，任何看起來負面的東西都得被禁止。如果我不是有那麼點常識，我還以為台灣正在變得像中國一樣！

害怕一個禮貌地表達意見的無償民眾是可笑可悲的，而大多數人在這方面取笑他非常正確。

但雖然可笑，這卻是個隱形的嚴重問題，就是當不道德的政客設法行使真正的權力時，像這樣微小不顯眼，多數人不在乎的言論審查，可能是一連串嚴重問題的開端。 他們很容易就可以躲在審查制度後面，而且把這當成習慣。

這樣一件看似歡樂的政治人物封鎖個人小事，你當然可以一笑置之，但別忘了這種行為也有邪惡的一面。

Tinkerty tonk… 掰掰。