More Misguided Mutterings from the Malfuctioning Mayor

There are times when you shut up and times you speak out, care and intelligence is required. Otherwise, the danger is you become a hate figure. 

For politicians this is particularly true…the main issue is to choose your targets wisely. 

Speaking as an outsider, it seems the Taipei Mayor falls down every open manhole he walks close to by blurting things out and not picking his targets. It’s difficult and uncomfortable to watch, like someone eles's dental treatment.   

There are many wise sayings about this, perhaps the most apt in terms of choosing the right target is… 

“Every time a stupid politician says something stupid, you don’t have to reply to him, because it is nonsense to shoo every barking dog away” - Mehmet Murat ildan, Turkish contemporary novelist , short story writer and playwright .

Why on earth should the malfunctioning Taipei Mayor be worried about who takes over from him? He’s at the end of his term and, however misguided and unrealistic he may be, he has his eye on the presidency.

Is it just blind hatred of the DPP? Is it because he wants his chosen successor to be Mayor? Who knows? It seems bizarre to spend time and effort to go after Mayoral hopeful Uncle Chen, if he thinks he has a realistic chance at the presidency. He surely has bigger fish to fry.   

For his part Uncle Chen has already, in his quiet and unassuming way, come back with a zinger to M Malfunction’s rants. 

"Don't just talk big, you want to solve the traffic problem in Neihu, you have to talk about specific solutions, don't go around and don't know what you're talking about,” frothed the current Mayor. 

Our friendly and cuddly dentist replied. “He is the Mayor now, and it should be the Mayor who explains his policy to the citizens. Why did he look to the citizens and ask them to teach him what to do?  If so, may as well let me be the Mayor.” 

I just wrote a piece on the VoiceTank site about dangerous idiots in politics and the damage they can do. 

It seems there are some, currently in positions of authority and seeking higher office, who are only too willing to reinforce the point. Voters should take careful note of the personalities of those they chose to lead them when they stand at the ballot box and make their mark. Beware the Dullards.   

Tinkerty Tonk…  

We all suffer Buyer's Remorse from time to time. When that funky kitchen tool falls to bits after three days, or the hotel room you booked for a weekend break hoping for a good view has most of its rooms facing the surrounding buildings. 

Most times, we shrug it off as bad luck and get on with life. 

It gets far more serious when we are beguiled by glossy and attractive promises by politicians that we end up voting for them and are then more than just mildly disappointed…for years.

Britain has just gone through exactly that, with the result being the embarrassing enforced ejection of Prime Minister Boris Johnson. The exact process of this political execution is not important as he was sacked by his own party, but his popularity with the public had also plunged, with 71 percent of the public thinking he was doing a bad job, according to a recent YouGov poll. 

According to past YouGov polls, Johnson had managed to boost his approval rating to 66 pct after about a year of this three years in office. When he stepped down as leader earlier this month it had collapsed to just 23 percent.

America’s former president Donald Trump has a similar popularity profile and by the time he was voted out in 2020, around sixty percent of US citizens disapproved of his performance as  President.

Both these tissue-paper leaders rode to power on a wave of popularist policies, but with the focus on a few ‘hot-button’ issues like immigration with Trump’s Build-the-Wall and Johnson’s Get-Brexit-Done.  

There were, of course, other promises but, as is usual with the peddlers of popularist policies as a means to gain power, they came with the baggage of a litany of lies and falsehoods aimed at frightening the electorate and playing on their innate fears and prejudices.

With a combination of charisma, false promises and outright lies they rode to power and enthusiastic voters rallied round, only to discover a few short years later that their new Emperor had no clothes and the country was getting into a mess and going in the wrong direction. 

Brexit is a classic example. Johnson, who models himself on his alter-ego Winston Churchill the great wartime leader, charged to power pretty much just on the single issue of at last finalising  Brexit, which ended Britain’s 47-year-old partnership with the European Union (EU).  

Barefaced lies were built upon barefaced lies. This, combined with a steadfast refusal to look facts in the face resulted in an inadequate botched divorce agreement with the EU which the government is now frantically trying to back away from and, of course, blaming everyone but themselves. 

Fifty three percent of Britons now believe it was a mistake to leave the European Union but Johnson’s lies were believed at the time and that was enough to tip the balance towards leaving. A referendum now would have the opposite result. Johnson was a weak leader who lied to cover up mistakes and had neither the moral fibre or backbone to confront his own dangerous inadequacies. 

He was a disastrous Prime Minister and his party has rightly kicked him out of the top job. Arguably much too late, but they got there in the end.  

It was much the same with Liar-in-Chief Donald Trump, who I know had a following in Taiwan because of his tough stance on China. But he too was a disastrous leader swept to power on a wave of popularist policies and sea of lies. He was a charismatic showman who played on people’s prejudices saying Hispanics coming across the United States southern border were, to directly quote the man, "bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists."

“They're taking our jobs, they're taking our manufacturing, they're taking our money, they're taking everything, and they're killing us at the border,” Trump said at a campaign rally in Phoenix in July 2015.

Clearly, for most right-thinking people such vile invective has no place in modern democratic politics, nevertheless, Trump became President. 

Full credit to America in realising their mistake and he was booted out of the office after just one term, but as we are now witnessing with the January 6 Capital Riot inquiry, if you allow someone as politically disgusting as Trump to gain power, it can do deep and lasting damage to your democracy and trust in the system of government.

Sadly, I believe the economic damage Johnson has wreaked on the UK economy and the political damage Trump has done to the US democracy, will be long lasting and difficult to resolve. 

It could well result in a change in the political DNA of both countries where honesty and decency are seen as nice-to-haves but no longer essential in the modern era. Aggressive and nasty policies like Britain trying to send immigrants to Rwanda, and constantly shifting blame after mistakes are made could well become the norm. I hope not, but I fear it may become so.  

While Taiwan politics is not tainted with appalling charlatans like Johnson and Trump, it is well to keep a lookout for such types. When you watch the behaviour of our politicians it is not hard to spot those who obfuscate, bend the truth or even shamelessly lie.

Then there are some who just over-promise and get more easily swayed voters to believe their rhetoric, even as reality flies out of the window.    

Kaohsiung once had a Mayor who promised great riches based on a closer relationship with China. He was duly elected but fortunately the electorate realised their mistake and, just as fortunately, he was recalled. It was not only a false promise, but a dangerous one.

Taichung has a Mayor who was voted in on the promise of working wonders over their awful pollution problem. It has never improved. Empty promises made to gain power, you can see the pattern. 

In some individuals the desire to gain power can lead to them either lying outright, or believing their own fantasy that somehow they are God-like and can actually alter reality. Narcissism and arrogance takes over and to a section of the electorate this can act like a drug if they think a ‘strong’ leader is the answer to their problems or the route to a better future.   

The reality is, quite frankly, reality. I’m sorry if that sounds glib, but the old British saying of ‘Jam Tomorrow’ sums it up quite well. The meaning is “a pleasant thing which is often promised but rarely materialises.”

Hoping for a better future is something we all do. Hoping for a better future based on false hopes is something best avoided.

In Greek mythology, Sirens who were part bird and part woman, lured sailors to their death on rocky coasts by seductive singing only to drag them to the depths and eat them. 

Beware political sirens who try to seduce with unrealistic or dangerous promises.    

As a foreigner living in Taiwan I have been shocked and dismayed at the developments in the US and the UK, the country of my birth. It is why I cherish living in a young Taiwanese democracy and the fact that it is, for the most part, currently free from the kind of obnoxious political games playing out in the west in what were once decent and honest democracies.

I hope and pray Taiwan’s voters are never seduced by such people.   

Tinkerty Tonk...  

 

The Health Minister and the Happy Cat

中文在下方

I’m more used to looking up to the ceiling for the cat when I can’t find her, but this afternoon it was different and I found the feisty feline skipping around the living room with joy on the news that the Nation’s favourite Minister, Uncle Chen, would be standing for Taipei Mayor in November. 

The DPP has quite sensibly decided it needs a good manager for Taiwan’s capital, but just as important has chosen someone decent, steady, calm and caring. 

I’ll be writing a long piece in the coming days about the political carnage elsewhere in the world. The lying, cheating, narcissistic political figures in other countries who damage their democracies and fail the people…Eg. the most recent ignominious sacking of British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

I have written many times about some political figures in Taiwan who gaslight and misdirect the public, and shamelessly indulge in outright lies. Many are naturally autocratic and brazen in their near constant half-truths and disrespect of the public. 

You know who they are. We all know who they are. The one essential is such people are never allowed to attain high office. 

In my 40 years as a journalist I have covered many political regimes and many political figures across the left-right spectrum of government across many countries, I am extremely happy to see someone of real depth and gravitas put forward as Taipei Mayor. 

I am disgusted with the political shenanigans going on in the country of my birth, although it reminds me of why I decided to leave :) 

But I am sincerely heartened that in my adopted country, the Government is smart enough to put forward someone like Uncle Chen to lead the capital city. 

Tinkerty Tonk…

當我找不到我家那頭貓的時候，我會習慣性仰望天花板,，就會看到她氣噗噗黏在天花板上。但今天下午情況不同，我發現這頭貓高興地在客廳裡蹦蹦跳跳，因為令人喜愛的衛福部長陳叔叔，將在11月代表執政黨競選台北市長。

這是民進黨明智的決定，台灣需要一個好的首都管理者，同樣重要的是，該黨選擇了一個正直、穩重、冷靜和關心別人的人。 我正打算寫一篇關於在世界其他地方發生的政治慘劇的長篇文章，目前這個世界並不是處於很好的狀態，那些撒謊、欺騙、自戀的政治人物破壞了他們的民主制度，並讓人民失望，最近的一個例子就是可恥的英國首相強生被迫下台。

我曾多次寫過台灣一些政客煽風點火、誤導民眾、厚顏無恥地撒謊。 許多人天生專制而且厚顏無恥，幾乎總是半真半假，不尊重民眾。 你知道他們是誰，我們都知道他們是誰。 最重要的一點是，永遠不要允許這樣的人在政治上更上一層樓。

在我作為記者的 40 年中，我報導了許多國家的許多政體，政府左派右派的許多政治人物，我非常高興看到真正有內涵且莊重的台北市長參選人。

我對我的母國發生的政治鬧劇極度厭惡，這提醒了我為什麼我決定離開英國。因此我由衷感到欣慰的是，在收養我的這個國家，政府足夠聰明，可以推出像陳叔叔這樣的人來領導首都。

Tinkertoy Tonk… 掰掰。

The Book/Food Tour

 

中文在下方

With an empty car and an equally light heart we recently set out for our book launch tour, looking forward to meeting some of our online friends in this somewhat odd virtual world of relationships we all inhabit these days.

Little did I know that six days later I would be struggling in 35 degrees under the hot Kaohsiung sun to pack a mountain of food and other gifts from those kind enough to attend the book signings. 

I still wonder about the Taiwanese obsession with food. I guess I come from a country where the food is so crappy I’d not give it as a gift to anyone.

Why did Britain bother to conquer most of the world over a couple of centuries and ship home mountains of rare and exotic spices to stick with a diet like this? 

Although I have to say the one thing there I still love is HP sauce.

While I have long fallen out of love with stodgy British food, I do have to wonder about some of fads when it comes to the regional foods in Taiwan. 

Tainan, for example, and their apparent obsession with making everything they eat, sweet. 

Seafood is my absolute favourite and as we tucked into a dish of squid in Tainan, which was, of course, sweet, I casually asked the question "Is there a historical reason Tainan favours sweet food, is it because there was sugar cane grown here?"

Apparently not. So I'm still intrigued as to why and if anyone knows, perhaps they would be good enough to enlighten me in the comments section. 

We had huge support from all our friends and also from the Mayors of Tainan and Kaohsiung  who were kind enough to send messages of support and flowers. One display was as tall as I am so it was impossible for us to take in the car. I hope it remains in place and gives pleasure to visitors to the venue in the days and perhaps weeks to come.

My hope is we can do this again with the next book…

Hope to see you then.

Tinkerty tonk…

帶著和一輛空車同樣輕快的心情，我們最近展開了新書發表會之旅，希望離開現在所處這個有點奇怪充滿虛擬關係的世界，與一些朋友面對面。

我沒想到的是八天後，我在 35 度的高雄烈日下苦苦掙扎，試著把那些好心來參加新書會的讀者送給我們，像一座小山那麼高的一大堆食物和其他各式各樣的禮物擠進車子裡。

即使住在台灣一陣子了，我依舊無法理解台灣人對食物的痴迷。 可能是因為我來自一個食物如此糟糕的國家，我絕對不會把食物當作禮物送給任何人。

有時我不禁要想，為什麼大英帝國費心在幾個世紀內，征服世界大部分地區，並把稀有的異國香料飄洋過海一船一船運回國，現在卻堅持這樣的飲食：炸魚、薯條、焗扁豆、青豆泥？不過我不得不承認我仍然很喜歡的英國口味是HP醬。(喬伊斯註：裡面成分是許多印度香料)

我早已不再喜歡乏味的英國食物了，我很好奇也想知道台灣各地食物的一些特色。以台南為例，他們明顯沉溺於把他們吃的每樣東西都變甜。

海鮮是我最喜歡的食物，新書會結束後朋友帶我們去了台南一家歷史悠久的海鮮餐廳，一群人圍坐在騎樓下的圓桌，竟然被一位路過的讀者認出來！我夾起一塊三杯魷魚，當然是甜的。我隨口問了一個問題：台南喜歡甜食是否有歷史原因，是因為這裡種了甘蔗嗎？ ？

顯然不是。 所以我仍然感到好奇，如果有人知道，也許可以留言啟發我。

全台灣從北到南六場新書發表會，我們得到所有朋友的大力支持，包括來自台南市長和高雄市長的祝福，

盡地主之誼送來鮮花，台南的那盆蘭花和我一樣高，我們根本不可能把它塞帶進車裡帶回家。 我希望它保持原樣，並在未來幾天甚至幾週內，讓接下來參觀的遊客感覺賞心悅目。

同時我也希望，我們可以在下一本書發表時再重複一次這個經驗，與大家見面。

Tinkerty tonk…掰掰。

Mayor Blender-Brain does it again

中文在下方

Gaff prone Mayor Blender-Brian has done it again, causing a fresh patch of claw marks on our ceiling. I had to tempt the cat down this morning with the huge pile of food we received at last week’s book launches. For which many thanks indeed :)  

It would seem our much loved Mayor, that knock-about one-man comedy act, has yet again knocked his brain into neutral and blocked my resident feline from Facebook!

And to think, only recently he said “When a government hates people asking questions or thinks the peoples’ doubts about the government are fake and they suppress the people’s voice - That is the oppression of the people by the state machinery.”

Also, “The internet is a platform for young people to express their opinions everyday, we should cherish this hard won freedom. We should respect other people’s right to speak…let’s work together to deepen Taiwan’s democracy.”  

Do I detect the unwholesome whiff of hypocrisy here?     

The almost total lack of political acumen is breathtaking as censorship is the absolute worst thing any politician can be caught doing, particularly one who openly advocates free speech. 

How can you possibly trust such an individual with political power when he displays his political weakness and cowardice by censoring a member of the public who is simply expressing an opinion? 

I’m told his social media is run by a team of people paid for by the taxpayers of Taipei, but it seems that those who look at it are only allowed to post comments if they are supportive of him and anything that looks negative is banned.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say Taiwan is becoming like China!

Running scared of an unpaid member of the public who politely expresses opinions is laughable and pathetic, and most people are rightly just making fun of him over this. 

But there is also a serious point and tiny bits of censorship like this can be the thin end of the wedge when unscrupulous politicians manage to wield real power. It’s easy for them to hide behind censorship and it can be habit forming.

Laugh about this small incident by all means, but there is a sinister side to this kind of behavior. 

Tinkerty tonk…   

那個腦袋跟正在運作的攪拌機一樣的市長又來了，於是我們家的天花板出現了一批新的貓爪痕。 今天早上我不得不用我們在上週新書發表會上收到的一大堆食物 (非常感謝) 來把這頭衝到天花板上的貓引誘下來。

那位深受愛戴的市長，又來了個不好笑的單人喜劇表演，他的大腦再度暫停，並封鎖了我的家常駐在天花板上那頭貓，不讓她去他的臉書留言。

想想看，市長最近才說：討厭人民發問，甚至把任何對政府的質疑都打成造假，進而箝制人民發聲，這是國家機器對人民的壓迫。

此外他還說：網路是年輕人天天要用的發言平台，我們應該珍惜這得來不易的自由空間。 應該尊重他人的話語權，讓我們一起努力深化台灣的民主。

呃，我是否在這裡聞到了偽善的氣息？

市長先生幾乎完全缺乏政治敏銳的程度令人嘆為觀止，因為言論審查絕對是任何政治人物能被抓到最糟糕的事，尤其是來自那些公開倡導言論自由的虛偽政客。

政治人物審查一個表達意見的無償民眾，只顯示他在政治方面的無能和懦弱，你怎麼可能信任這樣一個人擁有政治權力？

我聽說他的社交媒體是由台北納稅人出錢的團隊經營的，但看起來似乎只有支持他的人才能發表評論，任何看起來負面的東西都得被禁止。如果我不是有那麼點常識，我還以為台灣正在變得像中國一樣！

害怕一個禮貌地表達意見的無償民眾是可笑可悲的，而大多數人在這方面取笑他非常正確。

但雖然可笑，這卻是個隱形的嚴重問題，就是當不道德的政客設法行使真正的權力時，像這樣微小不顯眼，多數人不在乎的言論審查，可能是一連串嚴重問題的開端。 他們很容易就可以躲在審查制度後面，而且把這當成習慣。

這樣一件看似歡樂的政治人物封鎖個人小事，你當然可以一笑置之，但別忘了這種行為也有邪惡的一面。

Tinkerty tonk… 掰掰。

Small potato or no potato?

I see Mayor Malfunction is giving into his innate narcissism again. He really is a shocker and obviously doesn’t care how obnoxious or idiotic he makes himself look.  

Saying Victor Wang is not an expert and a small potato is a bit rich coming from someone who has failed university entrance exams and only has knowledge in a small field of heart conditions and treatment. 

Dear old Victor on the other hand is an expert in Pulmonology, which manages patients who need life support and mechanical ventilation and are specially trained in diseases and conditions of the chest. 

Which I would have thought makes him far more of an expert with regards to Covid than our desperate and misfiring Mayor and the tiny area of the medical profession he worked in. 

Besides which, I’d rather be a small-potato than a rotten-potato and someone, in terms of his political position, will be no-potato come December. He is certainly well beyond his sell-by date. 

Tinkerty Tonk…

Oh Shut-Up junior...

(中文在下方) 

I guess it’s a lot to ask of one so young, but a lesson Hsu Chiao-hsin needs to learn is an important political one…knowing when to shut up. 

To allow a tiny issue like parking on a red line to blow-up into such a big issue is an act of splendid political stupidity. She thoroughly deserves the drubbing she is getting on social media today. 

The publication of the video of the altercation with the hapless constable has made things even worse and re-opened the debate over her behaviour. There could have been no better way to invite fresh attacks if she had walked around Taipei Main Station with a huge KICK ME sign pinned to the back of her jacket. 

It is now very obvious that telling the wretched cop first to go ahead and write a ticket but then quickly following it up with “we will see what happens later” was a thinly veiled threat of dire consequences if he did so. 

To pretend it was anything other than a threat is insulting people’s intelligence.

Most of us when caught with a minor misdemeanour like this just either say “Oh, sorry constable, I’ll move it immediately,” or take the ticket in good spirit in being caught doing something you should not. How many reading this would say to a policeman “Oh OK, write the ticket…we will see what happens later.”     

Few politicians are daft enough to pull the “Do you know who I am?” routine these-days, particularly with the Police. If someone tried it in somewhere like Britain the Cop would likely reply…”No I don’t, and even if you were the Pope or the Queen, I’d still nick you.”

I know in some parts of the world pulling rank still happens, and is tolerated, but Taiwan is too far down the democratic path for it to be happening here. It’s no surprise Ms Hsu is being called out for trying it on, and rightly so. 

But more worrying is rather than just let the story quietly fade away, she is silly enough to continue to defend herself once the damning video was published and be arrogant enough to continue to defend what she did. 

The mitigation is of course, she is still a mere child in the political field and not yet wise enough to react in a smart and intelligent way when caught out. 

A much worse thing to consider is that her young soul has been poisoned by many years of associating with older politicians who perhaps have influenced her with their own arrogant and high-handed ways. 

Tinkerty Tonk...

我很清楚不能要求年輕人過多應該寬容，但徐巧芯需要學習的重要政治課程是，知道什麼時候閉嘴。

允許像違規停車在紅線上這樣的事，爆發成如此大的問題是一種出色的政治愚蠢行為，社交媒體對她毫不留情，完全是她咎由自取。

與倒霉的警察發生爭執的影片公開後，事情變得更糟，並重新引發了關於這種行為的討論。除了穿著一件印著大大的⟨踢我一腳⟩ (KICK ME) 字樣的背心，在台北車站走來走去，否則應該沒有比這更好的方法自討苦吃了。

影片中她先是告訴那個可憐的警察開一張罰單，然後迅速跟進：「沒關係，那我們再回去再講嘛」。這是什麼意思？應該是如果他這樣做，就會產生可怕的後果。假裝這不是一種威脅，是侮辱人們的智慧。

我們中的大多數人在被逮到像這樣不太嚴重的違法行為時，要不就是說：「哦，對不起，波麗士大人，我馬上開走。」要不就是態度良好接受罰單。有多少人讀到這篇文章的人會對警察說：「你開單啊，我們再看之後會怎樣」？

很少有政治人物會愚蠢到說出「你知道我是誰嗎？」這種話，如果有人在英國對執法的警察這麼說，警察可能會回答：「蛤？我不知道你是誰，就算你是教皇或女王，我還是會給你開張罰單。」

我知道在世界的某些地方，亮出名號這種事還在發生，而且是可以被容忍的，但台灣在民主這條道路上已經走得挺遠的了，這種事不應該在這裡發生。因此徐小姐因為這麼做而被攻擊，一點也不足為奇。

而更令人擔憂的是，與其讓這件事悄悄消失，她還傻到在該死的影片公開後，繼續傲慢地為自己的所作所為辯護。

我們當然可以寬容地想：她還年輕，還不夠聰明，無法以聰明的方式做出反應。但糟糕的是，多年與年長的政客相處，她年輕的靈魂已經被毒害，這些政客可能以他們傲慢和霸道的方式影響了她。

Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰。