The Health Minister and the Happy Cat

中文在下方

I’m more used to looking up to the ceiling for the cat when I can’t find her, but this afternoon it was different and I found the feisty feline skipping around the living room with joy on the news that the Nation’s favourite Minister, Uncle Chen, would be standing for Taipei Mayor in November. 

The DPP has quite sensibly decided it needs a good manager for Taiwan’s capital, but just as important has chosen someone decent, steady, calm and caring. 

I’ll be writing a long piece in the coming days about the political carnage elsewhere in the world. The lying, cheating, narcissistic political figures in other countries who damage their democracies and fail the people…Eg. the most recent ignominious sacking of British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

I have written many times about some political figures in Taiwan who gaslight and misdirect the public, and shamelessly indulge in outright lies. Many are naturally autocratic and brazen in their near constant half-truths and disrespect of the public. 

You know who they are. We all know who they are. The one essential is such people are never allowed to attain high office. 

In my 40 years as a journalist I have covered many political regimes and many political figures across the left-right spectrum of government across many countries, I am extremely happy to see someone of real depth and gravitas put forward as Taipei Mayor. 

I am disgusted with the political shenanigans going on in the country of my birth, although it reminds me of why I decided to leave :) 

But I am sincerely heartened that in my adopted country, the Government is smart enough to put forward someone like Uncle Chen to lead the capital city. 

Tinkerty Tonk…

當我找不到我家那頭貓的時候，我會習慣性仰望天花板,，就會看到她氣噗噗黏在天花板上。但今天下午情況不同，我發現這頭貓高興地在客廳裡蹦蹦跳跳，因為令人喜愛的衛福部長陳叔叔，將在11月代表執政黨競選台北市長。

這是民進黨明智的決定，台灣需要一個好的首都管理者，同樣重要的是，該黨選擇了一個正直、穩重、冷靜和關心別人的人。 我正打算寫一篇關於在世界其他地方發生的政治慘劇的長篇文章，目前這個世界並不是處於很好的狀態，那些撒謊、欺騙、自戀的政治人物破壞了他們的民主制度，並讓人民失望，最近的一個例子就是可恥的英國首相強生被迫下台。

我曾多次寫過台灣一些政客煽風點火、誤導民眾、厚顏無恥地撒謊。 許多人天生專制而且厚顏無恥，幾乎總是半真半假，不尊重民眾。 你知道他們是誰，我們都知道他們是誰。 最重要的一點是，永遠不要允許這樣的人在政治上更上一層樓。

在我作為記者的 40 年中，我報導了許多國家的許多政體，政府左派右派的許多政治人物，我非常高興看到真正有內涵且莊重的台北市長參選人。

我對我的母國發生的政治鬧劇極度厭惡，這提醒了我為什麼我決定離開英國。因此我由衷感到欣慰的是，在收養我的這個國家，政府足夠聰明，可以推出像陳叔叔這樣的人來領導首都。

Tinkertoy Tonk… 掰掰。

The Book/Food Tour

 

中文在下方

With an empty car and an equally light heart we recently set out for our book launch tour, looking forward to meeting some of our online friends in this somewhat odd virtual world of relationships we all inhabit these days.

Little did I know that six days later I would be struggling in 35 degrees under the hot Kaohsiung sun to pack a mountain of food and other gifts from those kind enough to attend the book signings. 

I still wonder about the Taiwanese obsession with food. I guess I come from a country where the food is so crappy I’d not give it as a gift to anyone.

Why did Britain bother to conquer most of the world over a couple of centuries and ship home mountains of rare and exotic spices to stick with a diet like this? 

Although I have to say the one thing there I still love is HP sauce.

While I have long fallen out of love with stodgy British food, I do have to wonder about some of fads when it comes to the regional foods in Taiwan. 

Tainan, for example, and their apparent obsession with making everything they eat, sweet. 

Seafood is my absolute favourite and as we tucked into a dish of squid in Tainan, which was, of course, sweet, I casually asked the question "Is there a historical reason Tainan favours sweet food, is it because there was sugar cane grown here?"

Apparently not. So I'm still intrigued as to why and if anyone knows, perhaps they would be good enough to enlighten me in the comments section. 

We had huge support from all our friends and also from the Mayors of Tainan and Kaohsiung  who were kind enough to send messages of support and flowers. One display was as tall as I am so it was impossible for us to take in the car. I hope it remains in place and gives pleasure to visitors to the venue in the days and perhaps weeks to come.

My hope is we can do this again with the next book…

Hope to see you then.

Tinkerty tonk…

帶著和一輛空車同樣輕快的心情，我們最近展開了新書發表會之旅，希望離開現在所處這個有點奇怪充滿虛擬關係的世界，與一些朋友面對面。

我沒想到的是八天後，我在 35 度的高雄烈日下苦苦掙扎，試著把那些好心來參加新書會的讀者送給我們，像一座小山那麼高的一大堆食物和其他各式各樣的禮物擠進車子裡。

即使住在台灣一陣子了，我依舊無法理解台灣人對食物的痴迷。 可能是因為我來自一個食物如此糟糕的國家，我絕對不會把食物當作禮物送給任何人。

有時我不禁要想，為什麼大英帝國費心在幾個世紀內，征服世界大部分地區，並把稀有的異國香料飄洋過海一船一船運回國，現在卻堅持這樣的飲食：炸魚、薯條、焗扁豆、青豆泥？不過我不得不承認我仍然很喜歡的英國口味是HP醬。(喬伊斯註：裡面成分是許多印度香料)

我早已不再喜歡乏味的英國食物了，我很好奇也想知道台灣各地食物的一些特色。以台南為例，他們明顯沉溺於把他們吃的每樣東西都變甜。

海鮮是我最喜歡的食物，新書會結束後朋友帶我們去了台南一家歷史悠久的海鮮餐廳，一群人圍坐在騎樓下的圓桌，竟然被一位路過的讀者認出來！我夾起一塊三杯魷魚，當然是甜的。我隨口問了一個問題：台南喜歡甜食是否有歷史原因，是因為這裡種了甘蔗嗎？ ？

顯然不是。 所以我仍然感到好奇，如果有人知道，也許可以留言啟發我。

全台灣從北到南六場新書發表會，我們得到所有朋友的大力支持，包括來自台南市長和高雄市長的祝福，

盡地主之誼送來鮮花，台南的那盆蘭花和我一樣高，我們根本不可能把它塞帶進車裡帶回家。 我希望它保持原樣，並在未來幾天甚至幾週內，讓接下來參觀的遊客感覺賞心悅目。

同時我也希望，我們可以在下一本書發表時再重複一次這個經驗，與大家見面。

Tinkerty tonk…掰掰。

Mayor Blender-Brain does it again

中文在下方

Gaff prone Mayor Blender-Brian has done it again, causing a fresh patch of claw marks on our ceiling. I had to tempt the cat down this morning with the huge pile of food we received at last week’s book launches. For which many thanks indeed :)  

It would seem our much loved Mayor, that knock-about one-man comedy act, has yet again knocked his brain into neutral and blocked my resident feline from Facebook!

And to think, only recently he said “When a government hates people asking questions or thinks the peoples’ doubts about the government are fake and they suppress the people’s voice - That is the oppression of the people by the state machinery.”

Also, “The internet is a platform for young people to express their opinions everyday, we should cherish this hard won freedom. We should respect other people’s right to speak…let’s work together to deepen Taiwan’s democracy.”  

Do I detect the unwholesome whiff of hypocrisy here?     

The almost total lack of political acumen is breathtaking as censorship is the absolute worst thing any politician can be caught doing, particularly one who openly advocates free speech. 

How can you possibly trust such an individual with political power when he displays his political weakness and cowardice by censoring a member of the public who is simply expressing an opinion? 

I’m told his social media is run by a team of people paid for by the taxpayers of Taipei, but it seems that those who look at it are only allowed to post comments if they are supportive of him and anything that looks negative is banned.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say Taiwan is becoming like China!

Running scared of an unpaid member of the public who politely expresses opinions is laughable and pathetic, and most people are rightly just making fun of him over this. 

But there is also a serious point and tiny bits of censorship like this can be the thin end of the wedge when unscrupulous politicians manage to wield real power. It’s easy for them to hide behind censorship and it can be habit forming.

Laugh about this small incident by all means, but there is a sinister side to this kind of behavior. 

Tinkerty tonk…   

那個腦袋跟正在運作的攪拌機一樣的市長又來了，於是我們家的天花板出現了一批新的貓爪痕。 今天早上我不得不用我們在上週新書發表會上收到的一大堆食物 (非常感謝) 來把這頭衝到天花板上的貓引誘下來。

那位深受愛戴的市長，又來了個不好笑的單人喜劇表演，他的大腦再度暫停，並封鎖了我的家常駐在天花板上那頭貓，不讓她去他的臉書留言。

想想看，市長最近才說：討厭人民發問，甚至把任何對政府的質疑都打成造假，進而箝制人民發聲，這是國家機器對人民的壓迫。

此外他還說：網路是年輕人天天要用的發言平台，我們應該珍惜這得來不易的自由空間。 應該尊重他人的話語權，讓我們一起努力深化台灣的民主。

呃，我是否在這裡聞到了偽善的氣息？

市長先生幾乎完全缺乏政治敏銳的程度令人嘆為觀止，因為言論審查絕對是任何政治人物能被抓到最糟糕的事，尤其是來自那些公開倡導言論自由的虛偽政客。

政治人物審查一個表達意見的無償民眾，只顯示他在政治方面的無能和懦弱，你怎麼可能信任這樣一個人擁有政治權力？

我聽說他的社交媒體是由台北納稅人出錢的團隊經營的，但看起來似乎只有支持他的人才能發表評論，任何看起來負面的東西都得被禁止。如果我不是有那麼點常識，我還以為台灣正在變得像中國一樣！

害怕一個禮貌地表達意見的無償民眾是可笑可悲的，而大多數人在這方面取笑他非常正確。

但雖然可笑，這卻是個隱形的嚴重問題，就是當不道德的政客設法行使真正的權力時，像這樣微小不顯眼，多數人不在乎的言論審查，可能是一連串嚴重問題的開端。 他們很容易就可以躲在審查制度後面，而且把這當成習慣。

這樣一件看似歡樂的政治人物封鎖個人小事，你當然可以一笑置之，但別忘了這種行為也有邪惡的一面。

Tinkerty tonk… 掰掰。

Small potato or no potato?

I see Mayor Malfunction is giving into his innate narcissism again. He really is a shocker and obviously doesn’t care how obnoxious or idiotic he makes himself look.  

Saying Victor Wang is not an expert and a small potato is a bit rich coming from someone who has failed university entrance exams and only has knowledge in a small field of heart conditions and treatment. 

Dear old Victor on the other hand is an expert in Pulmonology, which manages patients who need life support and mechanical ventilation and are specially trained in diseases and conditions of the chest. 

Which I would have thought makes him far more of an expert with regards to Covid than our desperate and misfiring Mayor and the tiny area of the medical profession he worked in. 

Besides which, I’d rather be a small-potato than a rotten-potato and someone, in terms of his political position, will be no-potato come December. He is certainly well beyond his sell-by date. 

Tinkerty Tonk…

Oh Shut-Up junior...

(中文在下方) 

I guess it’s a lot to ask of one so young, but a lesson Hsu Chiao-hsin needs to learn is an important political one…knowing when to shut up. 

To allow a tiny issue like parking on a red line to blow-up into such a big issue is an act of splendid political stupidity. She thoroughly deserves the drubbing she is getting on social media today. 

The publication of the video of the altercation with the hapless constable has made things even worse and re-opened the debate over her behaviour. There could have been no better way to invite fresh attacks if she had walked around Taipei Main Station with a huge KICK ME sign pinned to the back of her jacket. 

It is now very obvious that telling the wretched cop first to go ahead and write a ticket but then quickly following it up with “we will see what happens later” was a thinly veiled threat of dire consequences if he did so. 

To pretend it was anything other than a threat is insulting people’s intelligence.

Most of us when caught with a minor misdemeanour like this just either say “Oh, sorry constable, I’ll move it immediately,” or take the ticket in good spirit in being caught doing something you should not. How many reading this would say to a policeman “Oh OK, write the ticket…we will see what happens later.”     

Few politicians are daft enough to pull the “Do you know who I am?” routine these-days, particularly with the Police. If someone tried it in somewhere like Britain the Cop would likely reply…”No I don’t, and even if you were the Pope or the Queen, I’d still nick you.”

I know in some parts of the world pulling rank still happens, and is tolerated, but Taiwan is too far down the democratic path for it to be happening here. It’s no surprise Ms Hsu is being called out for trying it on, and rightly so. 

But more worrying is rather than just let the story quietly fade away, she is silly enough to continue to defend herself once the damning video was published and be arrogant enough to continue to defend what she did. 

The mitigation is of course, she is still a mere child in the political field and not yet wise enough to react in a smart and intelligent way when caught out. 

A much worse thing to consider is that her young soul has been poisoned by many years of associating with older politicians who perhaps have influenced her with their own arrogant and high-handed ways. 

Tinkerty Tonk...

我很清楚不能要求年輕人過多應該寬容，但徐巧芯需要學習的重要政治課程是，知道什麼時候閉嘴。

允許像違規停車在紅線上這樣的事，爆發成如此大的問題是一種出色的政治愚蠢行為，社交媒體對她毫不留情，完全是她咎由自取。

與倒霉的警察發生爭執的影片公開後，事情變得更糟，並重新引發了關於這種行為的討論。除了穿著一件印著大大的⟨踢我一腳⟩ (KICK ME) 字樣的背心，在台北車站走來走去，否則應該沒有比這更好的方法自討苦吃了。

影片中她先是告訴那個可憐的警察開一張罰單，然後迅速跟進：「沒關係，那我們再回去再講嘛」。這是什麼意思？應該是如果他這樣做，就會產生可怕的後果。假裝這不是一種威脅，是侮辱人們的智慧。

我們中的大多數人在被逮到像這樣不太嚴重的違法行為時，要不就是說：「哦，對不起，波麗士大人，我馬上開走。」要不就是態度良好接受罰單。有多少人讀到這篇文章的人會對警察說：「你開單啊，我們再看之後會怎樣」？

很少有政治人物會愚蠢到說出「你知道我是誰嗎？」這種話，如果有人在英國對執法的警察這麼說，警察可能會回答：「蛤？我不知道你是誰，就算你是教皇或女王，我還是會給你開張罰單。」

我知道在世界的某些地方，亮出名號這種事還在發生，而且是可以被容忍的，但台灣在民主這條道路上已經走得挺遠的了，這種事不應該在這裡發生。因此徐小姐因為這麼做而被攻擊，一點也不足為奇。

而更令人擔憂的是，與其讓這件事悄悄消失，她還傻到在該死的影片公開後，繼續傲慢地為自己的所作所為辯護。

我們當然可以寬容地想：她還年輕，還不夠聰明，無法以聰明的方式做出反應。但糟糕的是，多年與年長的政客相處，她年輕的靈魂已經被毒害，這些政客可能以他們傲慢和霸道的方式影響了她。

Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰。

Uncle Chen - The Passive Aggressive Ninja

(中文在下方)

I guess after 40 years in journalism your view of people, particularly politicians, can get more than a little jaded. So call me an old cynic, but when I see a masterful answer to a journalist’s question, I naturally assume it is a quick-fire, intentional put-down of a political rival. 

So when Uncle Chen was asked for his reaction to Mayor Malfunction’s assertion that everyone who tested positive for Covid should immediately be put on medication, he gently, and kindly, replied that perhaps the journalist was mistaken and was misquoting MM.

But the journalist was right, the MM actually did say that. 

My initial somewhat cynical reaction was that Chen’s reply was a masterpiece of political passive-aggression by suggesting, without actually saying it, that - If the Mayor thinks that, he has no business being a doctor, or a Mayor if he gives such moronic advice to other doctors and the public. 

Anyone with a functioning brain knows full well you don’t start shoving medication down people’s throats before proper diagnosis. To test and then medicate automatically would be the act of a madman.

But was I really witnessing a superb piece of lightning-fast political expertise? Or, is Uncle Chen more like he seems on the surface, a decent, honest and unaggressive politician who doesn’t have his eye on the main chance and is truly dedicated to the task in hand. 

It seems to me that MM has little respect for his own job or the people he claims to represent, coupled with an aggressive nature where blaming everyone else for his own inadequacies is his default position.

This makes Chen all the more dangerous for him to tangle with, as the way the Minister deals with things is so apparently effortless. A true wolf in sheep’s clothing… a wolf doesn't try to be aggressive, it just is.

It is now abundantly obvious that Uncle Chen is living in the Mayor’s head rent free, as MM clearly took it as a devastating put-down and rapidly reverted to type with a display of apoplexy akin to road-rage. 

His indignant reaction in which he backtracked hugely with a “of course I didn’t mean that” speaks volumes of the man. (Let’s just hope someone who does not think before he speaks quite as often as our malfunctioning Mayor, never sees real political power.)

There is something rather pathetic about a doctor trying to be a clever politician being unwittingly outmaneuvered so completely by a dentist who tries hard not to play political games but is somehow unconsciously brilliant at it.

Like a Ninja who quietly and effortlessly deals devastating blows, there is something truly awesome about someone who has the ability to make a political opponent froth at the mouth and dribble with rage with no apparent effort. 

Tinkerty tonk…  

在新聞業打滾40年後，我對人，尤其是對政治人物的看法，可能變得有點枯燥制式，所以你可以說我是個憤世嫉俗的老記者。但當我看到政治人物對記者問題的巧妙回答時，我自然而然會認為這是他們對政治對手的掃射打擊。

因此當陳叔叔 (Uncle Chen) 被問及他對故障市長 (MM, Mayor Malfunction) 說法的反應時，也就是 MM 認為快篩檢測出Covid陽性的人都應該立即服藥，他溫和而友好地回答說：也許是你們扭曲了MM 的意思了。

不過記者說的沒錯，MM 確實這麼說的，快篩陽性就應該給藥。

我最初的反應是，陳叔叔的回答是政治上被動攻擊 (passive aggressive) 的傑作，他雖沒有明說，卻暗示了如果 MM 這麼認為，或者如果他給其他醫生或是民眾這種愚蠢的建議，他就沒有資格當醫生或是市長。

任何大腦功能正常的人都非常清楚，在正確診斷之前，你不會想立刻將藥物塞入人們的喉嚨，確診之後沒有診斷就自動用藥是瘋子的行為。

但究竟我是親眼目睹了一個政治人物閃電般的政治才能嗎？或者 Uncle Chen 其實更像他表面上看起來那樣，只是一個正派、誠實、不咄咄逼人的政治家。他不是機會主義者，只是致力於他手頭上的任務。

在我看來，MM 不尊重自己的工作或他代表的人，再加上一種攻擊性，把自己的不足歸咎於其他人，好像是他與生俱來的一種態度。

能運用被動式攻擊的人可不是等閒之輩，因為這是不費吹灰之力就達成了，是真正的披著羊皮的狼。。。等等，不是的，狼不會試圖變得好鬥，狼就是這樣。

很明顯 Uncle Chen 一直不必付租金住在 MM 的腦袋裡 (Uncle Chen is living in the Mayor’s head rent free)，而 MM 顯然認為 Uncle Chen 給記者關於用藥的回答，是一種毀滅性的貶低，因此 MM 的本質立刻顯現出來了，差不多類似小擦撞的行車糾紛就要拿出球棒那樣 (road-rage)。

在 MM 事後憤憤不平的反應中，他用「我當然不是那個意思」縮回去了，這充分說明了這個人的本質 (speaks volumes of the man)。我們只能希望像 MM 那樣經常說話之前不思考的人，永遠不會得到真正的政治權力。

一個試圖成為聰明的政治家的醫生，在不知不覺中被一個不玩政治遊戲，但不知何故在不知不覺中表現出色 (unconsciously brilliant at it) 的牙醫完全打敗了，這有點可悲。

就像一個安靜的忍者輕而易舉打出毀滅性的一擊，政治人物能毫不費力讓對手口吐白沫 (froth at the mouth)，並且帶著憤怒噴口水 (dribble with rage)，真的很了不起。

Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰！

You can almost taste Mayor's desperation

(中文在下方)

It was a quiet Sunday morning in the Cat/Squirrel household with both proofreading ahead of this month's book launch...

Then the Cat went berserk.

When this happens I know with around 90 percent certainty who is at the bottom of it…yep, it’s that whacky knockabout dude, the man with a blender in his brain…Mayor Malfunction.

As the end of his reign as Mayor comes to an end, his desperate attempts to remain in the public eye seem to have reached a level where meaningless gibberings now pass off as comment to the media, who are having even more fun than usual baiting him. 

He is a gift of laughter which keeps on giving in terms of entertainment, and he appears to crave attention so badly his next move might well be to strut into the centre of the Taipei Main Station surrounded by his band of girlies… and drop his trousers. It would get attention, and mean nothing…pretty much like most of his antics. 

His latest half-hearted attempt at gaslighting the public he is saying Taiwan’s top epidemiologist doesn’t write his own Facebook posts. An accusation apparently pulled out of his ass with not a shred of evidence. He plays shameless and pathetic political games. The joke is he seems to misguidedly thinks he would make a good leader. 

His other meaningless utterance was “knowledge in the books is one thing, execution is another”. Which is a bit rich coming from someone who has constantly flaunted his paper qualifications from the first day he started campaigning as Mayor back in 2014 and has constantly harped on about ever since. 

So I guess he also means we can ignore Einstein because he never actually executed on any of his theories to prove them.  

I don’t remember any Covid policy moves by him other than to complain about what the Health Minister was doing and failing to put forward viable alternatives. I also seem to remember him standing back and expecting the Government to do everything for him on Covid, and also his second in command actually refusing to pick up the phone when the Health Minister called. 

Is he really now saying he did a good job during Covid? This is gaslighting in the first, second and third degree. He is guilty of nothing ie. doing nothing except carrying out what the Government told him to. 

I have a strong feeling we can soon forget about this buffoon. Once he stops being Mayor the media will be too busy with the new one to bother with him and he, his ragtag party and motley band of followers will wander off into the political sunset…hopefully never to be seen again.

Then maybe some peace can return to the Cat/Squirrel household.     

Tinkerty tonk… 

這是個安靜的星期天早上，本月即將上市的孟買春秋增訂版正在八里淡水河畔進行最後的校對，忽然之間那頭總是衝上去黏在天花板的貓又發瘋了。

這種情況發生時，我大約有 90% 的把握知道是誰在作怪……是的，就是那個奇奇怪怪腦子裡裝著攪拌器的人，故障的市長先生。

隨著他的任期即將結束，他想要讓自己留在公眾視線中的企圖似乎越來越絕望了，絕望到他開始提供媒體毫無意義胡言亂語的評論，而媒體似乎也找樂子般地引誘他開口。

其實他是天上掉下來提供娛樂的禮物，他好像非常渴望受到矚目，他的下一步可能是昂首闊步地進入台北車站的中心，圍繞在他周圍的是那些年輕的女性,，然後他讓他的褲子掉下來引起旁人的注意。但這一切都毫無意義，就像他的大多數滑稽言行一樣，毫無意義。

他繼續對民眾操弄煤氣燈效應(Gaslighting)，影響他們的認知。他今天說台灣頂尖流行病科學家的臉書發文不是自己寫的，這個指控在沒有一絲證據的情況下憑空生出，他以為自己很擅長此類無恥和可悲的政治遊戲。

另一句評論台灣第一名的醫學科學家，毫無意義的話是：書上知識是一回事，實際作戰是一回事。這從他嘴裡說出實在有點厚顏，因為就我所知從 2014 年他開始競選市長的第一天起，他就一直在炫耀他的學歷，並且從那以後還一直在不斷地喋喋不休。

果真如他所說，我們應該可以忽略愛因斯坦，因為他從未真正透過執行他的任何理論來證明它們。

除了不斷抱怨衛福部長的所作所為，卻沒有提出他自己可行的替代方案外，我不記得他採取了任何有建設性的 Covid 政策舉措。我似乎還記得他的副市長在 Covid 期間，拒絕接衛福部長打來電話時。

所以他現在真的是在說他在 Covid 期間什麼都做得很好嗎？這根本就是一級、二級和三級的煤氣燈效應。我不知道他做了什麼，除了一些政府已經在做的事。

我有個強烈的感覺，那就是我們很快就會忘記這個小丑。當他不再是市長，媒體將忙於跟隨新人而無暇顧慮他。而他，他雜亂無章的政黨和追隨者，也將朝政治落日邁進，希望再也見不到他們了。

那個時候，或許貓與松鼠之家，會重獲平靜。

Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰。