I’ve written before that Mayor Ko and his team regularly produce something more akin to performance art than serious politics, and I’m fast coming to the conclusion he has some British blood in him in terms of his political stance.
Click here for the Performance Art piece.A quick glance at the list of his nominations for TMD representatives for the local elections at the end of this year reveals a menagerie of ill-suited candidates which, if elected, will bring nothing to the political table. His motivation for putting these mis-fits up for election is clearly to have them as spoiler candidates to do damage to other political parties in terms of voting patterns.
That is a legally fair, although I would argue morally bankrupt, tactic but I do wish he could at least do it with a sense of humour if he is going to indulge in joke politics, which could have consequences to the serious parties who actually care how the country is run.
It also pretty much proves he is not serious about furthering the aims or policies of the TMD and is just out to spoil the elections for those more politically aware and politically serious. It also proves he has given up on any Presidential ambition, which, I guess, is a good thing.
For example, one of his nominees boasts that his main achievement was being in his high school basketball team and was a prefect at school events. Another worked at McDonalds, nothing at all wrong with that, and now works as a secretary but she and many of the others have neither experience or even ever shown any interest in public affairs.
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| Count Binface Mayor Ko |
Putting up joke candidates is a longstanding and highly enjoyable part of elections in Britain. It costs only GBP 500 (TWD 19,000) to stand as a Member of Parliament, while in Taiwan it can cost up to TWD 200,000 (GBP 7,600) depending on the constituency. Also in Britain you only lose your deposit if you gain less than five percent of the vote, while here it is ten percent.
Britain keeps the deposit low because everyone enjoys the joke candidates and it is very in-keeping with the British sense of humour. The joke candidates get a lot of newspaper attention during the campaigns and lighten the mood so at least the election becomes a little more bearable for the ordinary voter.
Currently most famous is Count Binface whose last political pitch was for Mayor of London and he did surprisingly well, polling better than some of the serious candidates. His website boasts… “Thank you to the 24,775 beautiful London humans who made me their first choice for Mayor. I finished 9th out of the 20 candidates, in a new record for an alien standing for public office on planet Earth.”
The Count claims to be an intergalactic space warrior.
He also stood against Boris Johnson in the 2019 election for the Uxbridge seat in parliament alongside Lord Buckethead, the official Monster Raving Loony Party candidate, and William Tobin, whose aim was to receive no votes because as an expatriate who has lived abroad for 15 years, he was not able to vote in UK elections, but could stand as a candidate. Elmo from the Give Me Back Elmo Party also stood against Johnson.
I cannot vote in the UK as I’ve not lived there for 25 years, but perhaps I should shell-out GBP 500 and stand myself in the next election.
Others include the Landless Peasant Party, the Vote For Yourself a Rainbow Dream Ticket Party, which recorded one vote at the 2005 general election in Cardiff North. Yes, you are allowed to vote for yourself in UK elections.
Sometimes they even win. H’Angus the Monkey, real name Stuart Drummond, became the first and only directly elected mayor of Hartlepool in 2002 and served for three terms until the post was abolished in 2013.
The Birthday Party, whose main policy is to hope for a miracle, and the Al-Zebabist Nation of OOOG, Children of the Atom, and World Peace Through Song both stood in the 2015 general election.
Mr Fishfinger who stood against Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron in the Westmorland and Lonsdale constituency had a manifesto pledging “Free fishing rods for all", and, "No tax on fish and chip shops". He also said he was "fully codmitted to making Brexit work for the codstituents".
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| Mr Fishfinger with Tim Farron Theresa May and Lord Buckethead |
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| Elmo - The Give Me Back Elmo Party Johnson with Elmo and Count Binface |
Journalist and novelist Auberon Waugh contested North Devon for the Dog Lovers’ Party with the slogan “A better deal for your dog” and Tom Barber stood for the No Fruit Out of Context Party in Battersea in 2001 on the platform of fighting against the scourge of pineapple on pizza.
The Freedom to Party Party makes regular appearances on the hustings, as does the Fancy Dress Party and The Can’t Stop the Party Party, although sadly the Teddy Bear Alliance no longer exists as a political entity.
There are a few joke parties elsewhere in the world like the Sun Ripened Warm Tomato Party in Australia and many beer related parties in parts of Europe like the Friends of Beer Party in the Czech Republic, Poland’s Polish Beer-Lovers' Party and Russia’s Beer Lovers Party.
But if there was a Olympic event for stupid political parties, the Brits are sure fire gold medal winners.
If only the Taipei Mayor would get properly into the swing of things and field some really spectacularly ridiculous and useless candidates...then at least we could all have a good laugh.
Tinkerty Tonk…
《 垃圾桶臉醫生，容我為您介紹垃圾桶臉伯爵 》
我之前寫過，柯市長和他的團隊經常製作一些更像是表演藝術而不是嚴肅政治的東西，如今我似乎已經有了結論：就他在台灣政治舞台上所在的位置看來，他身上似乎有些英國血統。
很快瀏覽一下他為TMD在今年年底地方選舉提出的參選名單，就會發現一群在動物園般不合適的候選人，如果他們當選，將不會給台灣政治帶來任何好處。他將這些不合適的人推上選舉的動機，顯然是讓他們擔任破壞者的角色，用投票的機制對其他政黨造成損害。
雖然這在法律上是公平競爭，但也是一種道德破產的策略，因此我真心希望他至少可以帶著幽默感來做這件事。如果他沉迷於遊戲政治，那將會影響真正關心國家如何運作的嚴肅政黨 。
這也幾乎證明了柯市長對更進一步提昇 TMD 的目標或政策並不認真，他只是為了在選舉中打擊那些更有政治意識和嚴肅性的對手。這不是一國之首該有的心態，因此我認為他已經放棄了任何當總統野心，這是一件好事。
例如他的一位被提名人陳述他的主要經歷是曾擔任高中籃球隊和國中糾察隊；另一位目前是秘書，曾經在麥當勞工作。這沒有錯，但她和不少被提名人一樣既沒有經驗，也沒有對公共事務表現出任何興趣。
笑話參選人 (joke candidates) 是英國選舉中歷史悠久且非常令人愉快的一部分。想要競選英國國會議員僅需繳交 500 英鎊（19,000 新台幣）的保證金，在台灣根據地方中央的不同，議員最高保證金是 200,000 新台幣（7,600 英鎊)。在英國如果得不到 5% 的選票無法拿回保證金，在台灣是 10%。
英國選舉維持低保證金是因為每個人都喜歡笑話參選人，這非常符合英國人的幽默感。笑話參選人在競選期間總是有許多媒體版面並且緩和了緊張的情緒，至少因為他們，選舉對於普通選民來說變得可以忍受。
目前最著名的笑話參選人是垃圾桶臉伯爵(Count Binface)，他上一次出現是競選倫敦市長，他的表現出人意料地好，民調甚至比一些嚴肅的候選人還要好。他在網站上如此吹噓：感謝 24,775 位美麗的倫敦人，他們讓我成為他們心目中市長的首選。我在 20 名參選人中排名第 9，創下了外星人在地球上競選公職的新紀錄。
垃圾桶臉伯爵自稱是星際太空戰士。
(選舉結果正式宣布，各笑話參選人華麗出席 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-XubUsTy1s)
之後在 2019 年議會席位選舉中，垃圾桶臉伯爵與現任首相保守黨魁強生，代表粗暴瘋子怪物黨 (Monster Raving Loony) 的水桶頭勳爵(Lord Buckethead)，還有William Tobin一起在Uxbridge選區競選。
Tobin的競選目標是得到零票，他是一名因為外派在國外生活了15 年而失去投票權的英國人，不過即使不能投票他還是可以參選，於是他花了五百英鎊對此事做出抗議。代表還我艾摩黨(The Give Me Back Elmo Party)的代表芝麻街主角艾摩，也在該選區中和強生一較高下。
我已經有 25 年沒有在英國生活了，因此我也無法投票，但或許我應該掏出 500 英鎊，讓自己參加下一次選舉。
其他笑話黨包括無地農民黨(The Landless Peasant Party)和投給自己彩虹夢想票黨(The Vote For Yourself a Rainbow Dream Ticket Party)，該黨在 2005 年Cardiff North選舉中得到一票。是的，您當然可以在英國選舉中把票投給自己。
不過有時後開玩笑也會贏得選舉，例如本名為Stuart Drummond的安格斯猴子(H'Angus the Monkey)，於 2002 年成為Hartlepool首位也是唯一一位直選市長，任職三屆直至 2013 年該職位被廢除為止。
以等待奇蹟為主要方針的生日派對黨(Birthday Party)，和OOOG的Al-Zebabist Nation(譯者不會翻)、原子兒童(Children of the Atom)、透過歌曲闡述世界和平(World Peace Through Song)都參加了2015年的大選。
至於和自由民主黨黨魁Tim Farron在Westmorland and Lonsdale 選區競爭的炸魚條先生(Mr Fishfinger)，他承諾為所有人提供免費釣魚竿，以及爭取炸魚薯條店免稅。他還表示會致力於脫歐以為選民服務 ("fully codmitted (committed) to making Brexit work for the codstituents (constituents)".)
(註：此處是玩文字遊戲，cod 是鱈魚，代用於 com/con)
記者小說家 Auberon Waugh 代表愛狗黨(The Dog Lovers’ Party)在North Devon參選，他的口號是讓你的狗過更好的生活；代表絕不斷章取義水果黨(The No Fruit Out of Context Party) 的Tom Barber，則是於 2001 年在Battersea選區主張打擊比薩裡加鳳梨這種禍害。
此外自由開趴黨(The Freedom to Party Party)，花俏服飾黨(The Fancy Dress Party)和開趴無法黨(The Can’t Stop the Party Party)也經常出現在競選活動中，遺憾的是泰迪熊聯盟(The Teddy Bear Alliance)已經不再是個政治實體。
世界其他地方也有一些笑話黨，如澳洲的日曬溫蕃茄黨 (The Sun Ripened Warm Tomato Party) ，捷克的啤酒之友黨(The Friends of Beer Party)、波蘭的愛波蘭啤酒人黨(The Polish Beer-Lovers' Party)和俄羅斯的啤酒愛人黨(Beer Lovers Party)。
儘管有這麼多笑話黨，我認為如果為愚蠢的政黨舉辦奧運的話，我的祖國英國肯定會是金牌數冠軍得主。
最後，如果台北市長能適當理解我這篇文章並加以實踐，提出一些非常荒謬和無用的候選人……那麼至少能在嚴肅的選舉中搏君一笑。
Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰。
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