(中文在下方)
Dog-tired and a little unsteady on our legs, we staggered up the airbridge from KL843 after a gruelling 24-hour long journey from France. We were nevertheless fully prepared for the final hurdle in our travel marathon - the Taoyuan Airport Covid checks.
Happy to be off a plane where the atmosphere had turned into something akin to that inside Tutankhamun’s tomb when they cracked the doors open, it was however something of a shock to be confronted by a phalanx of airport officials and medics in full protective suits, gloved and masked, looking for all the world like astronauts.
“I thought the ticket said Taipei, not the bloody Moonbase?” quipped one traveller, who just happened to be a fellow Brit. Yes, but at least the Air Miles are going to be pretty spectacular, I pointed out.
The spacemen settled us all in what usually serves as the gate departure lounge, which currently doubles as Covid testing centre for incoming flights, and the roll-call of the potentially-plagued began.
I have to say it was a little haphazard as the lady reading out the names was clearly struggling with the European name pronunciations and many of us, including myself, missed the announcement. But with typical Taiwanese practicality at the end she just said “Anyone else?” And all was well.
Then to a little indoor tent for the stick up the nose PCR test, only one nostril.
All these Covid tests seem to be different, I guess it depends on the manufacturer. In Europe the tests we did were done in different ways, throat and nose, nose only, five turns of the swab, 10 turns of the swab. I noticed the Antigen tests we had in Europe were made in China but I’m assuming at Taoyuan it would have been a homegrown test.
I remember reading somewhere on a government site a while ago that Taiwan’s R&D facilities and manufacturers have enough capacity to develop rapid test reagents.
Only then did the real stress set in. A room full of anxious travellers pacing up and down or, fidgeting in their seats like an accused in court awaiting the Jury’s verdict.
“Numbers one to 15 can leave,” came the first announcement to a sigh of relief as hopes rose that A) this might not take too long and B) if it was all big chunks of people like that, the chances are I’m OK.
Then came another announcement. “Number 27 and 63, please come to the desk.” I guess it was a little insensitive of me to blurt out a little loudly the dramatic pause movie sound effect DUN DUN DUUUN, although I was rewarded with a ripple of laughter to those around us who heard it. Not from J though, she told me off for maybe embarrassing the poor guys, which I guess was right.
The whole process was extremely smooth and eventually our numbers were called and we left for the final checks you have to go through before you can get into a taxi to the quarantine hotel. On our flight, as far as I could tell, only those two guys were queried over their PCR tests and it was a full plane, so around 250 people.
Finally to the taxi queue and luggage and personal spray-down by the taxi driver before being allowed in the cab.
After a full-day's travelling we thankfully arrived at the quarantine hotel and our goody bag from the government, for which many thanks, and a welcome hot shower and sleep.
Now to catch up on a lot of writing and binge watching movies during our enforced relaxation.
Tinkerty Tonk…
《 歡迎光臨：台灣機場防疫大戲》
從普羅旺斯出發，經過 24 小時的艱苦旅程，我們跟狗一樣累腿也有點不穩，終於踏上空橋搖搖晃晃離開荷航班機。儘管如此，我們還是為這趟旅行馬拉松的最後一道障礙做好了充分的準備 －桃園機場新冠肺炎檢查。
我很高興可以下飛機了，但機艙門打開時，氣氛頓時變成類似於身處古埃及法老圖坦卡蒙的陵墓內。其實這是有一點令人震驚的，因為迎接我們的是全副武裝戴著面具手套的機場醫護人員，說真的他們看起來和太空人沒有兩樣。
「我以為機票上寫的目的地是台北，而不是該死的月球基地？」同行一位旅客打趣地發出感言，他是英國人。「是啊，不過要是飛去月球至少里程數會非常壯觀！」同為英國人我當然也得接句話。
太空人部隊將我們安置在通常用作為候機室的地方，目前這個登機口兼作入境航班新冠病毒檢測中心，作業從潛在帶毒者的唱名開始。
我不得不說此時有點混亂，唱名的那位女士顯然因為歐洲名字的發音而苦苦掙扎，許多人包括我自己，都錯過了自己的名字沒有拿到號碼貼紙。但最後她採取典型的台灣務實態度宣布：「沒有叫到名字的請上前。」剩餘的歐洲人紛紛上前，如此一來就萬事OK了。
接著我們依序到一個小小的室內帳篷做鼻孔PCR檢測，只有戳一個鼻孔。各地的 Covid 測試似乎都不同，也許是取決於製造商。在歐洲快篩以不同的方式進行，可能是喉嚨加鼻子，也可能僅僅鼻子，檢測棉棒有時轉五圈，有時轉十圈。我注意到我們在歐洲用的快篩試劑都是中國製造，不過我猜在桃園機場的不是。
記得不久前我在某個政府網站上讀到，台灣的研發和製造商有足夠的能力開發快速檢測試劑。
等待結果時真正的壓力開始出現。滿屋子焦慮不安的旅客來回踱步，或者像法庭上的被告一樣在座位上坐立不安，等待陪審團的宣判。
「1 號到 15 號的旅客現在可以離開。」當第一個廣播宣布時，人們鬆了一口氣，希望 A）等待可能不會花很長時間，B）如果都是一大群一大群人沒事，那麼可能性就是我也會是沒事。
不久後又有個廣播：「27號和63號，請到前面櫃檯。」我想我太不敏感了，因為我有點大聲脫口而出戲劇性的停頓電影音效 DUN DUN DUNN，周圍的人聽到了報以一陣笑聲。不過這個笑聲不是來自我的太太，J 告訴我這可能會讓可憐的傢伙感到難堪，我想她是對的。
整個過程非常順利，終於我們的號碼被叫到了，可以離開了。通過最後的檢疫表格檢查，然後搭防疫計程車前往隔離旅館。據我所知，在我們的航班上，只有兩個人被詢問了他們的 PCR 測試，而這是一架幾乎坐滿的飛機，大約有 250 人。
最後，我們上計程車之前，司機對著我們的行李和全身上上下下噴灑消毒水，包括鞋底。
經過一整天的旅途勞頓，我們滿心感激地抵達隔離旅館，還收到一個政府送來的防疫大禮包，迎接我們的是熱水浴和一夜好眠。
現在在我們強制放鬆期間，可以趕一下寫作進度和不間斷看電影了。
Tinkerty Tonk… 掰掰。
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