Deputy Denny

（中文在下方）

Good Evening Boys and Girls. Auntie Cat and Uncle Squirrel played a fun game today. Can you guess what game we played? 

That’s right, we played Spot the Oaf!

Can you also guess which one we spotted? 

Well done, right again… it was none other than the New Taipei City Mayor who the KMT have, in a somewhat distracted way, chosen as their presidential candidate for the election next year. Mind you, their field of potential choices was thinner than Terry Gou’s toupee so it was pretty much as expected.  

Our jovial coconut-headed Cop looked caszh in jeans and open-necked shirt, threw regulation police salutes to an adoring crowd looking for all the world like he was ready to charge into the next hail of bullets that happens along to save everyone from harm and do the right thing by everyone, oh, and the ROC, of course.

Strikes me, that is kind of what he always says when asked questions ranging from foreign policy to wind-farms. He will always guarantee he will do the right thing and stand up for the ROC. 

Odd how it all sounds like the oath he recited when joined up as a fresh-faced rookie cop all those decades ago. 

”I swear solemnly that I will well and truly abide by national laws and dedicate myself to serving our country; perform the duties and exercise the power by the law. I will serve the people to my best of knowledge and skill in a humble and peaceful manner.”

Although he’s obviously forgotten the “humble” bit.

Tinkerty Tonk...

Good evening boys and girls! 天花板上的貓阿姨和松鼠叔叔今天玩了一個有趣的遊戲，你能猜出我們玩的是什麼遊戲嗎？沒錯，我們玩了 Spot the Oaf！

Oaf 是什麼？A man who is rough or clumsy and unintelligent. 粗糙笨拙而且不聰明的人，我們英國人常用來形容無趣之人的一個字。

你能猜出我們發現了哪一個 oaf 嗎？又猜對了！就是國民黨在明年的總統選舉中，有點心不在焉地選擇了個參選人。不過請注意，他們的潛在選擇範圍，比泰瑞郭的假髮要薄，所以這個結果跟預期也所差無幾。

新聞照片上我們快樂的椰子頭警察，穿著牛仔褲和開領襯衫看起來很休閒，向一群崇拜者煞有介事舉手敬禮，就像他已經準備好衝進下一場槍林彈雨中，拯救每一個人讓他們免受傷害，為每一個人做正確的事，哦，當然還有為了中華民國這個國家。

讓我印象深刻的是，當被問及從外交政策到風電場的問題時，他總是這麼說，他保證他會好好做事，並為台灣挺身而出。

奇怪的是，這一切聽起來多麼像幾十年前他作為一名菜鳥警察加入時，宣誓背誦的警察人員誓言。

「余誓以至誠，恪遵國家法令，盡忠職守，報效國家；依法執行任務，行使職權；勤謹謙和，為民服務。如違誓言，願受最嚴厲之處罰，謹誓。」

雖然他顯然忘記了「 謙和」的部分。

Tinkerty Tonk... 掰掰！