常常是我吃飽撐著就會發表點意見，剛剛吃飽。
鑑於本人生性簡樸，沒有貸款錢已夠用，在此宣布日後我有空在思想坦克寫稿的稿費，會全數捐出。只限本人稿費，史密斯先生表示不介入他國事務。
我在任何地方寫稿都有酬勞，包括以前的獨立評論在天下和大人社團。咦，天下集團有被上色嗎？
既然質疑思想坦克與我的關係，我就藉此機會捐出思想坦克的稿費，金錢往來一乾二淨。不過休想我捐路透社基金會講師的酬勞，按時換算，那可是在台灣寫稿的十倍有餘。
每次稿件刊出稿費入賬，將擇良辰吉時，在此請讀者提供偏鄉慈善單位，抽出一家我去匯款。嚴肅稿件我向來愛寫不寫，說不定一個月才寫一篇，稿費雖然微薄，應該可以每次買幾本書給幾個偏鄉的孩子。
窮到只剩鍵盤造謠的各方魯蛇和微不足道的政黨小官員，你們還有什麼意見嗎？
為什麼我評論師父招來大批中國黨的攻擊？感恩師父讚歎師父，終於獲得中國黨認證。
都已經說了他不是路透社總編 editor-in-chief，是區域總編 regional editor，還要這樣造謠是怎樣啦！還有說我每天發26篇也是造謠，明明有四五十篇吧？
趙少康的意思是，這個外國人在路透社工作三十多年，離開時路透全球超過兩千名記者編輯中，比他資深位階高的人寥寥可數，媒體引用他的文章時，不能找出他的經歷說他是誰？
幸好照片選擇還可以，沒有太醜，不過那個心和粉紅色的字在中間太噁心，還有那個寄生黨藍，離譜，給我改成綠色！
對我們而言，其實娛樂價值勝於生氣，更何況有人賜箭，若要進行史密斯任務，為何不用？
其實因為不知哪兒來的鄭先生，我已經打過電話到國民黨主席辦公室表達不滿。又因為擔心意見不會上達，也打電話到主席的立委選民服務處要求轉達。被暗指為得到某些好處受民進黨利用為其喉舌，說我們的發文來自中央廚房，實為一種人格污衊，特此做個記錄。
我從未隱藏我支持民進黨，認為我隱瞞政治傾向的應該是瞎了眼，不過我不認識任何民進黨員，除了一位素未謀面有藍勾勾的頭號粉絲鄭姓網友偶爾來留言，我上次被關進去慎刑司就是他害的。此次風波的罪魁禍首為瘋癲友人趙君朔，是他引我去看不知哪兒來的鄭先生的文章，然後他在旁邊看戲。
民進黨從未來找過我們希望有對價關係辦事，頗為可惜，因為我很想知道有什麼價碼，其他政黨也可以開個價我看看。
追踪夠久的也許記得，我開始大量發政治文是因為1124，當天我在普羅旺斯家中，實在太震撼了，覺得世界末日不過如此，周遭的鳥語花香美酒佳餚，頓時毫無意義。
雖然孟買春秋是出書那年開的，但一直沒有很積極更新，1124 之後我開始經常性批評北高市長，因為我很擔心台灣要被吞掉。
我記得非常清楚，當時我只要發文批評柯文哲，一定有人退讚，這個情形持續了一陣子。我想反正我有5000多個讚可以退，退光了就算了，我一定要揭穿這個可惡虛偽的政客，不為別的至少也為自己爽。
那年年末我寫了一篇非常哀傷的臉書長文，不外乎就是害怕台灣會完蛋韓國瑜會當總統之類的，第一次發文有上千讚，我和思想坦克就是從這篇文章開始的。
https://voicettank.org/2018-12-31-farewell-2018/amp/
是我自己把稿子寄給思想坦克，他們根本不知道我是誰。我告知這是一篇臉書文也已經發表，不過我自認寫得不錯，問思想坦克有沒有興趣，之後就是歷史了。怎麼也沒想到如今會被中國黨冠上綠營御用寫手的封號，真是世事難料啊！
想到這些事，其實是有一點點覺得自己好像做到了些什麼。即使我無法確定那個我厭惡的政客的政治生命會不會很快結束，至少當初設下的目標或是立意，在看見越來越多人認清政客的真面貌時，覺得達成了幾分。批評柯文哲，不再掉讚反而吸引更多志同道合的讀者，又何嘗不是樂事一件。
所以各位啊，要繼續努力讓阿米巴們消失，我就是一個勵志的故事。
Mr Wannabe President - “Sigh, I really want to become President but I’ve no idea how to go about it. I know, I’ll pop to the political ideas shop and see what they have in stock.”
“Good morning Mr Political Ideas Shopkeeper. I’m having a bit of a problem with the campaign and I need some ideas. I’m not spectacularly imaginative and need a bit of help.”
“I’m looking for something catchy so the public will understand, and it has to be short so they remember it. Oh, and it needs to make me appear like I actually care, and don’t want the top job because I just really, really, really want to be president and get my name in the history books.”
Ideashop Shopkeeper - “Certainly sir, let’s see what I have in stock. What about picking a fight with a neighbouring country? The Brits used that to huge effect just lately and Boris Johnson won the last election with the biggest majority for 40 years.”
Mr Wannabe President - “Humm, that one is a bit tough because you know who our closest neighbour is, and I think we’d like to stay friendly with Japan. What else do you have?”
Ideashop Shopkeeper - “Well there’s always anti-immigration, that also worked well for Boris and was all part of his Everyone Should Hate the EU campaign.
“The upside is you can lie as much as you like because everyone will blame the immigrants for everything anyway. It works extremely well and really took off in the United States, although it didn’t end too well and their wall was never finished.”
Mr Wannabe President - “I really can’t see that one going down too well given the jobs the imported labour does here and besides, who’s going to look after my old Mum and Dad while I’m out and about with my soapbox drumming up support.”
“I need something that’s more simple that doesn’t commit me to announcing any solid policies.”
Ideashop Shopkeeper - “Well, I do have this, although it’s had a few previous owners so it is a bit battered and needs some attention. It’s the Make our Country Great Again campaign.”
“One second I’ll get a damp cloth to clean it up a bit... This has certainly seen some action over the years, but I’m sure it will clean up as good as new.”
“Although I can’t guarantee its reliability as it’s not worked too well in the past.”
“In fact Boris was in the shop with his mate Nigel Farage not long ago and they bought it.”
“Frankly I think Nigel had taken him down the pub beforehand as I didn’t even have to come down in price. Mind you, this is the exact same idea as they returned it not long after when they realised the country was actually called Great Britain.”
“That’s why it’s a little dirty...er, you do understand I can’t give you any refunds on this particular idea as it’s been used so many times?”
“But it is a very popular line. Canada bought it once and tried it but it didn’t catch on at all, the Skiing Association, Farmers Union and even the bloody Country Music Association have bought this particular model.”
“The Republicans still have theirs although it seems to have lost its appeal now, and they were back in the shop a while back to buy the Save America campaign.”
“I’ll be completely honest with you because it’s hardly a new idea and has been tried in a lot of places, but it has never really worked.”
“People tend to ask awkward questions and that can cause you problems. So you don’t think the country is great? When was it last great? How are you going to make it great? What stopped it being great?”
“That last one can be particularly tricky if your party happened to be in power when something bad happened in the past and you can’t blame it on someone else.”
“It’s not difficult for your political opponents, or journalists, to dig out all sorts of economic numbers and things like that to prove the country became less great when your party was in power. So you need to handle it with a bit of care”
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you a knock-down price because I like your face...but don’t bring it back saying it’s not working.”
Mr Wannabe President - “Great, I’ll take it.”
Ideashop Shopkeeper - “A pleasure doing business. I’ll get the boy to clean it up a bit and deliver it, shall we say Friday? Oh and the hats, if you have a load of hats made. I can’t buy back any more hats, I have a stockroom full of the damn things and I can’t shift them…”
《 陳腔爛調的政治語言 》 Mr Wannabe President：唉，我真的很想成為總統，但不知道要怎麼做。啊，我知道了！我去政治點子商店看看他們有什麼好東西。 (進入店門) Mr Wannabe President ：早安！我在準備競選期間遇到了一些問題，需要來點腦力激盪。實在也是因為我沒有驚人的想像力，所以要找人幫個忙。 我在找一些可以讓民眾很快就懂，而且簡短容易記住的選舉策略。 哦還有，這必須讓我看起來像是我有把選總統當一回事的樣子。我不是想要坐上那個高位，而是因為我真的、真的、真的很想當總統，讓歷史把我的名字記上一筆。 Ideashop Shopkeeper： 沒問題先生，我看看店裡有什麼庫存。。。找鄰國吵一架如何？最近有個人利用這一點對選舉造成巨大影響，就是那個英國首相強生，他以 40 年來的最大的多數贏得英國上次選舉。 Mr Wannabe President ： 這個有點難，你知道我們的鄰居是日本，我想我們應該和日本保持友好的關係。還有什麼別的商品？ Ideashop Shopkeeper： 歷久彌新的反移民政策很好用，強生也覺得很有效，這是他《每個人都應該恨歐盟》的競選主軸之一。 好處是你可以隨心所欲地撒謊，因為無論如何大家都會把一切歸咎於外來移民。這很有效，在美國也大受歡迎，不過結局不太好，那座要擋住墨西哥人的牆也沒完工。 Mr Wannabe President ：這也許不會受歡迎，因為我們有許多外來勞工在本地工作。還有，我要出去跑選舉場的時候，誰照顧我的老爸老媽？我需要一些更簡單的想法，不過不可以逼得我必須宣布真正的政策。 Ideashop Shopkeeper： 嗯，這個我們確實有，不過因為是以前留下來的存貨，有點破舊，需要整理一下。就是《讓我們的國家再次偉大》 (Make our Country Great Again) 競選主軸。 等一下，我拿塊布清理一下……這幾年被拿去用了幾次，我清一清就會跟新的一樣，不過我不能保證可靠，因為的確有不太好用的例子。 那個英國人強生和他的夥伴法拉奇不久前來我店裡，買下了這一款。說實話，我認為他們來之前，法拉奇應該是把強生帶去酒吧喝酒了，所以他們來的時候我根本不必降價，就很容易就賣給他們。不過沒多久他們就把這個商品還給我們，因為他們忽然發現英國就是叫 Great Britain。 呃，我話要先說在前頭，貨物既出概不退換，因為這個已經被使用很多次了。這一款其實賣得不錯，加拿大買了一次，試過了，但根本沒有流行起來。滑雪協會、農民聯盟甚至該死的鄉村音樂協會都買過。共和黨也買了而且現在還留著，不過這似乎已經沒有吸引力了，他們現在又來店裡要買《拯救美國》這一型。 老實說這不是新產品，已經在很多地方試過，但是從來沒有真正奏效。因為人們會問你一些尷尬的問題，那就很麻煩。他們會問你：所以你本來不覺得這個國家很棒嗎？ 上一次很棒是什麼時候？你打算如何讓國家變得很棒？是什麼阻止了國家變偉大？ 最後一個問題特別棘手，因為如果過去有很糟的事發生在你的政黨執政的時候，你不能歸咎於其他人。挖掘出各種經濟數字之類的東西，來證明你執政期間國家變得不那麼強大了，對你的政治對手或記者來說並不難，所以你需要小心處理。 這樣好了，我給你打個折扣，因為你看起來蠻討人喜歡的……但不可以拿回來退，說這沒有用。 Mr Wannabe President ： 太好了，就買這個！ Ideashop Shopkeeper：成交！ 我會讓我的伙計稍微清理一下再送過去給你，星期五可以嗎？哦還有帽子，如果你想要做一批《讓XX再度偉大》的帽子的話，要算的剛剛好，多的不能退給我。我的倉庫裡堆滿了那些該死的東西，裡頭動彈不得……
What on earth is going on? It would seem I am making some Presidential hopefuls lose sleep lately.
It’s somewhat incredible they don’t have anything better to worry about than an aging journalist sitting on his balcony in the sun having a bit of fun making some jokes about policy mis-steps by the opposition and city leaders. Hyper-sensitive, or what?
It’s all extremely flattering for me and the last time I got this much attention in Taiwan was when I did a TV interview with Ma Ying-jeou back when he was President and I was based in Beijing.
I can’t quite understand why they are all so frightened of little me. As I said the other day, surely I am a mere flea biting the backside of an elephant like someone who has Presidential ambitions.
Why so much fear and why so defensive? Maybe it’s just a case of an empty vessel making the most noise.
I really have to wonder why they are so worried and why they are reacting like I have any influence outside of the people who already agree with me and enjoy laughing along with me at the comic and sometimes bizarre antics of some Taiwan officials.
Am I really Public Enemy No.1? It would seem in their eyes I somehow wield huge influence over the entire electorate. Gosh, I never realised and such power might go to my head.
Maybe they are just bored and have nothing better to do. Maybe, somehow, I am a massive threat to them. Although for the life of me I can’t see how.
For my part, I get a bit bored, being retired, and there is only so much time you can spend tending a little balcony garden. So I’ll keep writing and criticizing those in power who screw up, or do a bad job, and continue to hold them accountable as it is what people should know.
A democracy is about free speech and as a retired person not in the pay of any political party anywhere in the world or in the pay of any media organisation I will continue to make good use of my freedom of speech.
This has all made me think I actually should sign up for a Facebook and a Twitter account and write even more and more often, given this bizarre over-reaction to my few articles so far. If I can stir up such a huge reaction via a few stories, just think what I might be able to achieve with constant Tweeting and Facebooking?
I’ve already turned down a few TV stations who wanted me to go on, maybe I should take up the next one and go on a few shows to say what I really think to a much wider and perhaps national audience. As the old English saying goes...In for a penny, in for a pound. If I’m going to get attacked with all sorts of weird and untrue claims, I may as well go the whole hog and start airing my views a lot wider， and to a bigger audience. I’ll have to give it some thought.
Until then, dear critics, please do try to relax, sleep better at night and lower your blood pressure. If you get so wound up now about what people like me write, I dread to think what you will be like come the election. Your nerves will be sticking out on stalks and you will be on intravenous muscle relaxant if you don’t calm down a bit.
Go to your doctor and stock up on blood pressure pills, because come election time a lot more serious critics will be wading in. I’ll likely just sit on the sidelines and point and laugh.
Chill guys, until then...I’ll keep writing...sleep well and have a jolly good and hopefully relaxing weekend.
Tinkerty Tonk...
《 雖然令人困惑，但有高度娛樂性》 這到底是怎麼回事？最近我似乎讓一些想要選總統的人失眠了。 令人難以置信的是，他們難道沒有比一個坐在陽台上曬太陽的老記者更值得擔心的事情嗎？這有點令人難以置信，因為他只不過是開開反對黨和市長搞砸的玩笑而已。這是超級敏感還是怎樣？ 這一切對我來說非常令人受寵若驚，上一次我在台灣受到如此多的關注是我在電視上採訪了馬英九，當時他還是總統，我是路透社派駐在北京的北亞總編輯。 我不太明白為什麼他們這麼怕一個小小的我。正如我前幾天所說的那樣，我只是在有總統野心的大象背上咬了一口的跳蚤罷了。 為什麼這麼害怕？為什麼這麼有防備心？或者只是因為那是半瓶水，因此響叮噹。 我真的很想知道他們為什麼這麼擔心，為什麼他們的反應好像是除了那些和我看法相同的人之外，我有什麼影響力。而那些人也只不過是很享受和我一起嘲笑滑稽荒謬的台灣官員罷了。 我真的是一號公敵嗎？ 在他們看來，不知何故我好像可以對全體選民產生龐大影響。天哪，我從來沒有意識到我有這種力量，這可能會讓我沖昏頭。 不過也許他們只是無聊沒什麼事可做，也因為這樣不知何故，我忽然對他們形成巨大的威脅，雖然我這輩子從來沒想過這種事情會發生。 就我而言，其實我退休了生活有點無聊，畢竟你只能花這麼多時間照顧陽台上那個小小的花園，所以我會繼續寫文章批評任何搞砸了，或者做得不好的當權者，並繼續追究他們的責任，因為這是人們應該知道的。 言論自由是民主的一環，作為一個退休人士，我沒有收到世界上任何一個政黨或是任何一個媒體的薪資，我將繼續充分利用我的言論自由。 不過這一切都讓我覺得我應該開 Facebook 和 Twitter 帳戶，並且頻繁寫作，因為到目前為止，我僅僅幾篇文章就引起了這樣詭異的過度反應。如果寫幾篇文章就可以引起如此巨大的反應，想想看不斷在 Twitter 和 Facebook 發文，會有什麼後果？ 我已經拒絕了一些想請我上談話節目的電視台，也許下一個邀請來的時候我應該接受，那麼我可以向更多甚至可能是全國的觀眾說出我的真實想法。正如古英語諺語所說，反正要做，那就做全套。如果我必須面對各種奇奇怪怪的不實指控和攻擊，我不如全力以赴，開始更廣泛地向更多觀眾發表我的觀點。嗯，也許值得考慮一下。 在那之前，親愛的批評者，請盡量放鬆，試著在晚上好好睡覺，不要讓血壓升高。如果你現在已經對像我這樣的人寫的東西如此焦慮，我不敢想像你在選舉期間會是什麼樣子。如果你不稍稍冷靜下來，你的神經會像是新冠病毒一樣張牙舞爪，你也得服用靜脈肌肉鬆弛劑。 我建議你去看醫生，並請他幫你開一些降血壓藥備用，因為選舉時間一到，就會有更多的批評者出現。屆時我很可能會坐在一旁，指著你們哈哈大笑。 冷靜下來吧，而在下次見面之前，我會繼續寫作。希望你們睡個好覺，度過一個愉快而輕鬆的週末。 Tinkerty Tonk...掰掰。
I’d like to thank Mr Cheng, from a hole in the ground, for taking the time to dig out our past stories and advertise them so people can read them again to reinforce the points we are making.
I’m still not quite sure what his point is. All he seems to be intent on doing is spreading a lie that we are being paid for all this, which I repeat again, we are not. I’m assuming he is on the KMT payroll and needs to do his paymasters bidding, so I understand he feels the need to attempt to score points from his PR keyboard.
I get that. What I don’t get is he feels the need to spread lies about people and sees conspiracy and plots all around. Paranoia because the KMT has run out of ideas, possibly?
Maybe he is just ignorant of how opinion and political sketch writing works. Rather than explain myself here, I’ve recently found a thing called GOOGLE which actually helps you understand things you don’t know, it’s amazing.
If it’s his opinion that the opinion of an opinion writer should be the same as his opinion, otherwise it’s not a valid opinion is not, in my opinion, a good opinion. The opinion of others is always a valid opinion and particularly if the opinion points to things that are a matter of opinion that others might be interested in, in forming their own opinions.
Rather than spending hours digging out the opinions of others who appear to disagree with his opinion he should perhaps write his own opinion, rather than advertising the opinions of those opinion writers who, it seems, disagree with his opinion.
In my opinion.
